Hi,
The blog has been moved to http://forwardtodeath.wordpress.com Please proceed there instead, it's much better than blogger.
Cheers,
James
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Changing my blog adress...
Heya folks in Internet land.
I'll soon be moving mah blog over to a spanking new wordpress site. Stay tuned for more details and linkies.
I'll soon be moving mah blog over to a spanking new wordpress site. Stay tuned for more details and linkies.
Hate mail only comes in August...
...or in this case, July.
Anyways, hate mail always makes me chuckle, especially when it's spewed forth from the uptight mind of a christian reverend. Yay. I recently received this gem from the Rev. Don Spitz-and-Swallows:
Now that we've got that little misunderstanding sorted out (and now that I finally stopped giggling), we can put it all behind us.
Go with God!
James
Anyways, hate mail always makes me chuckle, especially when it's spewed forth from the uptight mind of a christian reverend. Yay. I recently received this gem from the Rev. Don Spitz-and-Swallows:
Most, if not all problems on the planet earth are from people like you, people who reject Jesus Christ. Our prisons are filled with people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. Most, if not all; rapes, murders, robberies and thefts are committed by people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. AIDS is mainly spread by people who reject Jesus Christ and have sex outside of marriage. Children AIDS get it from people who reject Jesus Christ.Wee! How's that for christian understanding and humbleness. Well, first of all, Don, and I never got to tell you this; FUCK YOU. Secondly, if you were actually a christian, you'd forgive me. And thirdly, God's the only one who has the right to judge, so why don't you drink a nice tall glass of Shut-The-Fuck-Up. Seriously, you can buy it at Wal-Mart.
I hope you will turn from your sins and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and escape the fires of eternal hell. Turning from your sins and giving your life to Jesus Christ is the only way you can escape the fires of hell and receive everlasting life. If you persist in your sins and continue to turn your back on Jesus Christ, you will be lost forever.
SAY THIS PRAYER: Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and am headed to eternal hell because of my sins. I believe you died on the cross to take away my sins and to take me to heaven. Jesus, I ask you now to come into my heart and take away my sins and give me eternal life.
Now that we've got that little misunderstanding sorted out (and now that I finally stopped giggling), we can put it all behind us.
Go with God!
James
The Light Side: Call Centre Hell
Ah, call centers... The enigma of the Human trappings. The different colours indicate different characters. Shouldn't be too hard to work out.
*ring...ring...ring*
Welcome to the Packard-Bell automated helpline!
*muttering* Shitshitshitshitshit...
In order to direct you to a help desk near you, please compose the five letters of your postcode.
Erm... Lessee... Three...Four... -
I'm sorry, I did not register a response. In order to direct you to a...
SHIT! You bastard thing!
...compose the five letters of your postcode.
Three...Four...Five...Zero...Zero...
Thank you. One moment please.
*Muzak version of "Singing in the Rain" pipes through the receiver.*
*humming along with the tune*
If you are currently experiencing problems with your computer or printer, please press 1.
If you would like to learn about our exciting new offers, press 2.
If you are inquiring about employment opportunities...
Erm... 1. There we go.
One moment please, while we connect you to a local operator who will assist you.
*music pipes back in*
*muttering* Finally!
*In thick foreign accent* Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, Hello -
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Please speak up, sir.
Can you hear me?!
Yes, sir. No need to shout. What appears to be then nature of your problem?
It's my computer. It-
Hello? Sir?
Yes, hello! My computer has stopped working.
Oh. Well, have you tried turning it on and off again?
Well, you see that's the problem, it won't turn on.
Is it plugged into the wall?
Erm... Yes.
I'll have to transfer you to our technical department, please stand by.
You mean this isn't the technical department?
*Muzak pipes back in*
Hello? Hello?! Shit!
Hello, this is Dave speaking. How may I help you?
Well, you see...
Hello? Sir?
Hello?
Yes, what is it?
My computer isn't working.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Well, I can't. It won't turn on.
Please ensure that the computer is plugged...
I have, for crying out loud! The bastard thing doesn't work!
Well, sir, there's no need for that abusive tone!
Listen, is there anyone you can send down?
It depends. Are you experiencing a D-10 error or a 1D-10T error?
Erm... I don't...
*sigh* alright, do you have the manual?
Erm, yeah, give me a second... Here it is.
Alright, now turn to page 10 and look up D-10 and 1D-10T.
Erm... Alright... D-1o: computer has not been turned on... and 1D-10T: computer has not been plugged in. No, it's neither of those, I already told you that.
Hello? Sir?
Yes, I'm here. It's neither of those errors.
Then I'm afraid I can't help you. Let me transfer you...
No, alright? I don't want to be sodding transferred, just get someone down here who can fix the fucking thing!
Sir, I don't have to submit myself to this kind of abuse, if you swear again I'll have to cut you off.
For fuck sake!-
Goodbye, sir. *click*
BASTARD! SODSPLIT! CU- oh, wait. It did need plugging in after all. Heh.
Have a fun weekend,
James
James
Friday, 18 July 2008
Five J-rock albums you should listen to before you die
The J-rock music scene has really exploded since the turn of the millenium, with Japanese rock bands becoming more widespread and well known in the Western world. In this article, I'm going to celebrate the depth and richness of J-rock culture by recommending five ground-breaking albums to get you started off with.
No. 5: "Skull Alcoholic - The Complete Solar Anus" - Solar Anus
Solar Anus are a superbly versatile band that were overshadowed by the better-known J-rock bands such as Boris and Melt Banana, as well as the Visual Kei movement that dominated the 1990's. Playing music very similar to the El Sexorcisto era White Zombie, Skull Alcoholic showcases the Anus' work in it's heavy stoner glory. A heavy, sludgy-ass album which is a must-have for fans of the stoner genre.
No. 4: "Urusa in Japan" - Afrirampo
Over the past few years, Afrirampo have gained a lot more recognition from their various stints with Japanese rock legends such as Acid Mothers Temple and the one and only Yoko Ono. In an album that can only be described as 'chaotic', Afrirampo tear music a new asshole, throwing forth music that takes it's inspirations from the free noise movement the Boredoms were so fond of. Highly energetic and not for the faint hearted.
No.3: "Have you seen the other side of the sky?" & "Mantra of Love" - Acid Mothers Temple and the Melting Paraiso UFO
While the name is a mouthful, the Acid Mothers Temple are one of if perhaps not the most prolific bands in the world today. Although they have only been active since the early 2000's, they have released dozens of albums. To pick these two albums in particular seems a tad unfair, but these are the two which had the profoundest effect on me. The track "La Le Lo" on Mantra of Love can only be described as 'epic', one of the most impressive improvisational jams I have heard in my time. These are perhaps the most accessible of the AMT's albums, and a good starting block for new listeners.
No. 2: "Rakushu" - Kagerou
Kagerou were originally a Visual Kei band, and still incorporated various bits of the VK scene into their do. Rakushu is itself a heavy-ass album which has a more conventional sound than the other albums featured in this list. Should please fans of heavy nu-metal.
No. 1: "Akuma No Uta" - Boris
Oh, God... Where to start? Boris are by far one of the most versatile mainstream bands out there and have enjoyed a prolific stint so far, recording with such legends as Michio Kurihara of Ghost and Damon & Naomi of Galaxie 500 fame. Akuma No Uta should also go on record as having one of the coolest guitars I have ever seen (pictured above). When you start the album, your ears surrender themselves to one of the best contemporary albums I've ever had the fortune of hearing. Listen to it before you die or I may just have to kill you.
Stay tuned, kids, because coming soon is an introduction to the zany world of enemas!
Till next time,
Japanophile James.
Solar Anus are a superbly versatile band that were overshadowed by the better-known J-rock bands such as Boris and Melt Banana, as well as the Visual Kei movement that dominated the 1990's. Playing music very similar to the El Sexorcisto era White Zombie, Skull Alcoholic showcases the Anus' work in it's heavy stoner glory. A heavy, sludgy-ass album which is a must-have for fans of the stoner genre.No. 4: "Urusa in Japan" - Afrirampo
Over the past few years, Afrirampo have gained a lot more recognition from their various stints with Japanese rock legends such as Acid Mothers Temple and the one and only Yoko Ono. In an album that can only be described as 'chaotic', Afrirampo tear music a new asshole, throwing forth music that takes it's inspirations from the free noise movement the Boredoms were so fond of. Highly energetic and not for the faint hearted.No.3: "Have you seen the other side of the sky?" & "Mantra of Love" - Acid Mothers Temple and the Melting Paraiso UFO
While the name is a mouthful, the Acid Mothers Temple are one of if perhaps not the most prolific bands in the world today. Although they have only been active since the early 2000's, they have released dozens of albums. To pick these two albums in particular seems a tad unfair, but these are the two which had the profoundest effect on me. The track "La Le Lo" on Mantra of Love can only be described as 'epic', one of the most impressive improvisational jams I have heard in my time. These are perhaps the most accessible of the AMT's albums, and a good starting block for new listeners.
No. 2: "Rakushu" - Kagerou
Kagerou were originally a Visual Kei band, and still incorporated various bits of the VK scene into their do. Rakushu is itself a heavy-ass album which has a more conventional sound than the other albums featured in this list. Should please fans of heavy nu-metal.
No. 1: "Akuma No Uta" - Boris
Oh, God... Where to start? Boris are by far one of the most versatile mainstream bands out there and have enjoyed a prolific stint so far, recording with such legends as Michio Kurihara of Ghost and Damon & Naomi of Galaxie 500 fame. Akuma No Uta should also go on record as having one of the coolest guitars I have ever seen (pictured above). When you start the album, your ears surrender themselves to one of the best contemporary albums I've ever had the fortune of hearing. Listen to it before you die or I may just have to kill you.
Stay tuned, kids, because coming soon is an introduction to the zany world of enemas!
Till next time,
Japanophile James.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Adverts suck.
Yes they do, I've never understood the point behind the different commercials we see on the TV these days. It's like they deliberately go out of their way to be painfully ambiguous, so you can't figure out what they're trying to sell you until they tell you themselves.
Whenever these pointless ads come on the telly, I usually find myself muttering "fuck off" to the TV and walking off in a huff. Just having seen a really, REALLY stupid advert for Persil washing tabs, I thought I'd give you a run down of the five dumbest commercials out there today. At least on British TV.
Update: blogger apparently doesn't like me embedding videos so I'll have to provide links only. Sorry.
Whenever these pointless ads come on the telly, I usually find myself muttering "fuck off" to the TV and walking off in a huff. Just having seen a really, REALLY stupid advert for Persil washing tabs, I thought I'd give you a run down of the five dumbest commercials out there today. At least on British TV.
Update: blogger apparently doesn't like me embedding videos so I'll have to provide links only. Sorry.
No. 5: "The Cog" - Honda
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FGngcQb_0qg
I have an unusual gripe with car adverts, as they seem to advertise stuff that has absolutely nothing with the car in question. Sure, this ad is pretty clever, what with the Rube Goldberg machine and all that, but I've seen it done hundreds of times before on the internet, and never have I seen it used to advertise a fucking car. It obviously caters to the 15 - 25 male who thinks monster trucks are cool. Fuck that.
No. 4: "Full of Lovely Stuff" - Skoda
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NwBE1l6QexU
Yet another car advert. Every time I see this one I feel like calling the advertising standards agency for some strange reason. Wouldn't it be cool if they really did make a car out of cake; a car you could actually fuckin' eat! Fuck yeah! Except they're not making a car out of cake, are they? No, they're not.
No. 3: "Bom Chicka Wow Wa" - Lynx/Axe Deodorant
http://youtube.com/watch?v=md9zMmsqkg8
The commercial that spawned a whole new catchphrase that makes me want to punch people in the groin. First of all, the woman looks and sounds as if she's having a seizure. If a woman came up to me and started flailing about screaming "bom chicka wow wa" I wouldn't be flattered or impressed. I'd be scared and protective of my anal virginity.
<.< >.>
Secondly, Axe deoderant doesn't make women fall at your feet as every advert claims. I should know, I used to go through cans of the stuff. Now I use *!promo alert!* THE SOOTHING, PROTECTIVE MUSK OF RIGHT GUARD!
Fuck yeah!
No. 2 - "For the Journey" - Lloyds TSB
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fGKGWTaSHTQ
When I first saw this one, I thought it was an advert for a documentary on the appalling conditions of British Rail (anyone who's been on a British train will know what I'm talking about), but no, apparently it's an advert for a bank. Whodathunk it!
And finally, the one you've all been waiting for... The most pointless commercial of all time.... *drumroll*
No. 1: "I am" - Orange Telecommunications
http://youtube.com/watch?v=S38S32rlJwY
They say that if you don't get the point of an advert, then you're not part of the target audience. In my case, they're screwed. I find most adverts pointless, but this one takes the 'crap-tastic' cake. Let's see why... Let's take a look at the script. My reply is in red, as always.
"I am my mum..."
No you're not. First of all, you couldn't give birth to yourself, and you're not a woman.
"...and my sister..."
No, you're not. Again, you're not a woman.
"...I am my best friend Mike, who I've known since school..."
No you're not. You don't have any friends. Now stop playing with yourself and get a life.
"...I am Kate, who's still somewhere in Thailand..."
But how can you be here and in Thailand at the same time?
"...I'm all the girls I've ever kissed. And all the girls I will..."
So you've been kissing yourself all these years? How vain.
"...I am the teacher that failed me, and the one who spurred me on..."
Riiight.
"...I am my bosses, and every one of my friends..."
So you're self-employed and you don't have any friends. Fair enough.
"...I'm a bloke I meet travelling, who'll teach me the guitar..."
And then kill you in your sleep.
And it goes on. And on. And on. While it may seem like a poignant advert for an online dating service, lo and behold it's actually a commercial for fucking telecommunication. What. the. fuck?!
Commercials really bring me down sometimes, just in their sheer stupidity. They say that if you don't get it, you're not part of the target audience. So if you don't get adverts, then you should be proud, as you don't fall into the pit with the rest of the brain-dead morons.
Stay smart,
james
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FGngcQb_0qg
I have an unusual gripe with car adverts, as they seem to advertise stuff that has absolutely nothing with the car in question. Sure, this ad is pretty clever, what with the Rube Goldberg machine and all that, but I've seen it done hundreds of times before on the internet, and never have I seen it used to advertise a fucking car. It obviously caters to the 15 - 25 male who thinks monster trucks are cool. Fuck that.
No. 4: "Full of Lovely Stuff" - Skoda
http://youtube.com/watch?v=NwBE1l6QexU
Yet another car advert. Every time I see this one I feel like calling the advertising standards agency for some strange reason. Wouldn't it be cool if they really did make a car out of cake; a car you could actually fuckin' eat! Fuck yeah! Except they're not making a car out of cake, are they? No, they're not.
No. 3: "Bom Chicka Wow Wa" - Lynx/Axe Deodorant
http://youtube.com/watch?v=md9zMmsqkg8
The commercial that spawned a whole new catchphrase that makes me want to punch people in the groin. First of all, the woman looks and sounds as if she's having a seizure. If a woman came up to me and started flailing about screaming "bom chicka wow wa" I wouldn't be flattered or impressed. I'd be scared and protective of my anal virginity.
<.< >.>
Secondly, Axe deoderant doesn't make women fall at your feet as every advert claims. I should know, I used to go through cans of the stuff. Now I use *!promo alert!* THE SOOTHING, PROTECTIVE MUSK OF RIGHT GUARD!
Fuck yeah!
No. 2 - "For the Journey" - Lloyds TSB
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fGKGWTaSHTQ
When I first saw this one, I thought it was an advert for a documentary on the appalling conditions of British Rail (anyone who's been on a British train will know what I'm talking about), but no, apparently it's an advert for a bank. Whodathunk it!
And finally, the one you've all been waiting for... The most pointless commercial of all time.... *drumroll*
No. 1: "I am" - Orange Telecommunications
http://youtube.com/watch?v=S38S32rlJwY
They say that if you don't get the point of an advert, then you're not part of the target audience. In my case, they're screwed. I find most adverts pointless, but this one takes the 'crap-tastic' cake. Let's see why... Let's take a look at the script. My reply is in red, as always.
"I am my mum..."
No you're not. First of all, you couldn't give birth to yourself, and you're not a woman.
"...and my sister..."
No, you're not. Again, you're not a woman.
"...I am my best friend Mike, who I've known since school..."
No you're not. You don't have any friends. Now stop playing with yourself and get a life.
"...I am Kate, who's still somewhere in Thailand..."
But how can you be here and in Thailand at the same time?
"...I'm all the girls I've ever kissed. And all the girls I will..."
So you've been kissing yourself all these years? How vain.
"...I am the teacher that failed me, and the one who spurred me on..."
Riiight.
"...I am my bosses, and every one of my friends..."
So you're self-employed and you don't have any friends. Fair enough.
"...I'm a bloke I meet travelling, who'll teach me the guitar..."
And then kill you in your sleep.
And it goes on. And on. And on. While it may seem like a poignant advert for an online dating service, lo and behold it's actually a commercial for fucking telecommunication. What. the. fuck?!
Commercials really bring me down sometimes, just in their sheer stupidity. They say that if you don't get it, you're not part of the target audience. So if you don't get adverts, then you should be proud, as you don't fall into the pit with the rest of the brain-dead morons.
Stay smart,
james
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Currently trying my hand at comic book scripting..
Just a little experiment to see if it'd be any good. If there are any artists out there who'd fancy giving a first issue a whirl, lemme know.
The basic plotline thusfar concerns a young man living in a crappy, isolated town. He's got nothing going for him, and is looking for a bit of excitement. One day, he witnesses a couple of mobsters whacking someone, and flees the scene. They try to track him down, and he flees the town. Along the way he meets people until he finally comes to a conclusion, which is yet undetermined.
Interested? Know anyone who might be interested in collaborating? Lemme know. Send an email to rhyknow@gmail.com
Thanks
The basic plotline thusfar concerns a young man living in a crappy, isolated town. He's got nothing going for him, and is looking for a bit of excitement. One day, he witnesses a couple of mobsters whacking someone, and flees the scene. They try to track him down, and he flees the town. Along the way he meets people until he finally comes to a conclusion, which is yet undetermined.
Interested? Know anyone who might be interested in collaborating? Lemme know. Send an email to rhyknow@gmail.com
Thanks
And thus ends an era...
Garth Ennis, comics maestro has stopped writing the Punisher comics. There are no words to express my woe.
Ode to unrequited feelings.
2 O'Clock you're still sleeping
when you wake up you'll be in such pain.
and I wait with the plate, piled high with my love
that you wont eat from
Love, you think you can contain me
but the future is already known
we give up our rest, and the best of us though
we'd be better off alone
There's no need to be so terrible
when you know I would do anything for you
This is so laughable, whatever happened to
knowing that this was forever.
File off the sharpness of feelings so
I'll be protected from all of your evil
when you come round my love, I'll be gone, finally done
never to come to your rescue.
when you wake up you'll be in such pain.
and I wait with the plate, piled high with my love
that you wont eat from
Love, you think you can contain me
but the future is already known
we give up our rest, and the best of us though
we'd be better off alone
There's no need to be so terrible
when you know I would do anything for you
This is so laughable, whatever happened to
knowing that this was forever.
File off the sharpness of feelings so
I'll be protected from all of your evil
when you come round my love, I'll be gone, finally done
never to come to your rescue.
- Kaki King
Unrequited feelings are painful and unfair.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Bailiffs are Human Mosquitos
I hate bailiffs with a passion. I mean, these are the guys who get paid to make others a misery. How the fuck can anyone volunteer for that crap?!
Anyway, these past few years have been real bitches, what with my dad's financial problems. Still, we sorta managed to sort them out by doing the King Arthur thing and running the hell away. Nevertheless, debt is a real problem that strikes thousands if not millions if not billions of people worldwide. I'm not sure how it works in the rest of the world, but in the UK and France, if you're in debt these guys will come over and make sure you pay up, regardless of whether they effectively leave you homeless. But we can still make light of the situation here, can't we? God knows humour is the only thing that stops me walking into their offices with a nailbomb.
Anyways, here's a pretty nifty little site, the Insolvency Helpline, which gives some pretty handy answers for dealing with debt and bailiffs. Now, while I'm going to rip the hell out of this little article, please remember that debt is a serious subject. Hell, I should know that much. So do check this site out if you have any problems or any questions.
My replies are in red, by the way.
Anyway, these past few years have been real bitches, what with my dad's financial problems. Still, we sorta managed to sort them out by doing the King Arthur thing and running the hell away. Nevertheless, debt is a real problem that strikes thousands if not millions if not billions of people worldwide. I'm not sure how it works in the rest of the world, but in the UK and France, if you're in debt these guys will come over and make sure you pay up, regardless of whether they effectively leave you homeless. But we can still make light of the situation here, can't we? God knows humour is the only thing that stops me walking into their offices with a nailbomb.
Anyways, here's a pretty nifty little site, the Insolvency Helpline, which gives some pretty handy answers for dealing with debt and bailiffs. Now, while I'm going to rip the hell out of this little article, please remember that debt is a serious subject. Hell, I should know that much. So do check this site out if you have any problems or any questions.
My replies are in red, by the way.
Debt Basics; Bailiff Guide
What is a bailiff?
A bailiff is someone authorised to collect a debt on behalf of a creditor. A creditor is someone you owe money to. There are different types of bailiffs - e.g. county court bailiffs, certificated bailiffs and private bailiffs who can be used to collect different types of debts. These include county court judgments, unpaid council tax, magistrates court fines, unpaid maintenance to the Child Support Agency and outstanding rent.
If you are in arrears, creditors will sometimes send representatives to your home to try and negotiate payments with you. These people might be called "counsellors", "collectors" or "advisers". These are people who wanted to be bailiffs, but weren't big enough bastards.
How do I know it is a bailiff at my door?
Bailiffs should provide identification or authorisation if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting for rent must show their certificate from the county court if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting unpaid council tax must show written authorisation from the local authority. See also 'Will I get advance notice of a bailiff visit?'
The smell should be enough to tell you whether or not it is a bailiff at your door. Also watch out for feelings of nausea or discomfort.
Can a bailiff call at night or on a weekend?
Only bailiffs collecting rent are obliged to call between sunrise and sunset, all other bailiffs can call at any time of day or night. However most bailiffs should call at a 'reasonable' time, either during normal office hours or between 8.00 a.m. or 8 p.m.
Most of them will, only to ask you what you're wearing or remind you that they're watching you from across the street with their high-power binoculars. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Can a bailiff force his/her way into my house?
Most bailiffs do not have the right to force their way into your home to seize your goods. The only exception is that bailiffs from the Collector of Taxes (Inland Revenue) can get a warrant to force entry, but this is very rare.
A bailiff is someone authorised to collect a debt on behalf of a creditor. A creditor is someone you owe money to. There are different types of bailiffs - e.g. county court bailiffs, certificated bailiffs and private bailiffs who can be used to collect different types of debts. These include county court judgments, unpaid council tax, magistrates court fines, unpaid maintenance to the Child Support Agency and outstanding rent.
Different bailiffs have differing powers to collect debts. However, there are certain rules that apply to all bailiffs. Unless stated otherwise, the information in this leaflet applies to any bailiff.
A bailiff is a human parasite: someone who voluntarily makes others lives a misery. Other terms for 'bailiff' include 'bastard', 'tool', 'pig' and so on and so forth. They may appear to come in different categories, such as county curt bailiffs, certificated bailiffs and private bailiffs but they are all part of the Homo Bastardus species of ape. They come to your door for a variety of reasons, but mainly because they are bored and have sod all else to do.
Can anyone be a bailiff?
Yes, providing they have legal authority to carry out their actions. Some creditors prefer to use certificated bailiffs to collect their debts. ''Certificated'' means that the firm of bailiffs has provided references to the county court and the bailiffs they employ are considered to be 'fit and proper' persons. Bailiffs collecting rent arrears and road traffic penalties must be certificated. It is worth remembering that both men and women can be bailiffs!
Yes, providing they can pass a test certifying that they have both the social standing and mental capacity of soap-scum. Please refer to the question below for information as to becoming a bailiff. Some creditors prefer to use certificated bailiffs to collect their debts. "Certificated" doesn't really mean anything, except that the court considers them to be 'fit and proper' persons for the job, i.e. total shites. It is worth remembering that both men and women can be bailiffs as both are capable of acts of complete callousness towards their fellow man.
What 'legal authority' must a bailiff have?
A bailiff must be legally authorised to collect the debt on behalf of the creditor. The authority is normally known as a 'warrant', or 'warrant of execution' if the bailiff is recovering money owed under a county court judgment.
Bailiffs used by the magistrates court to collect unpaid council tax, outstanding fines, compensation or unpaid maintenance will be acting on either a 'distress warrant' or a 'liability order' issued by the magistrates court.
If you are in arrears, creditors will sometimes send representatives to your home to try and negotiate repayments with you. These people might be called 'counsellors', 'collectors' or 'advisers'. They do not have powers to enter your home and seize your goods.
A bailiff must be legally authorised to take your money. To do this, they must take special exams to test their callousness, which include questions such as "would you drown kittens and small children?" and "do you think Hitler was an alright bloke?".If you are in arrears, creditors will sometimes send representatives to your home to try and negotiate payments with you. These people might be called "counsellors", "collectors" or "advisers". These are people who wanted to be bailiffs, but weren't big enough bastards.
How do I know it is a bailiff at my door?
Bailiffs should provide identification or authorisation if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting for rent must show their certificate from the county court if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting unpaid council tax must show written authorisation from the local authority. See also 'Will I get advance notice of a bailiff visit?'
The smell should be enough to tell you whether or not it is a bailiff at your door. Also watch out for feelings of nausea or discomfort.
Can a bailiff call at night or on a weekend?
Only bailiffs collecting rent are obliged to call between sunrise and sunset, all other bailiffs can call at any time of day or night. However most bailiffs should call at a 'reasonable' time, either during normal office hours or between 8.00 a.m. or 8 p.m.
Most of them will, only to ask you what you're wearing or remind you that they're watching you from across the street with their high-power binoculars. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Can a bailiff force his/her way into my house?
Most bailiffs do not have the right to force their way into your home to seize your goods. The only exception is that bailiffs from the Collector of Taxes (Inland Revenue) can get a warrant to force entry, but this is very rare.
All other bailiffs have a right of peaceful entry only. This means that they cannot use force to enter your home, for example, by breaking a window or a door. However, they can enter your property through an open door or window (front and back) and can climb over fences and gates, but cannot break them down. See also ''If a bailiff does gain peaceful entry to my house, what will they do?''
You do not have to let a bailiff into your house. A bailiff cannot force their way past you if you answer the door. If all your doors and windows are securely closed they will not be able to gain peaceful entry to your house unless you let them in.
Bailiffs are well aware of their limited powers and may use a variety of different means to gain entry peaceably. They may attempt to walk in as soon as a door is opened. They may ask if they can use your telephone to check if an arrangement is satisfactory with their office. They may simply ask you if you would prefer to discuss matters inside. You do not have to go along with any of these methods.
Most bailiffs can't, but will do everything in their power to kick your door down while you're sleeping, drag you off and ruthlessly interrogate you for five days without giving you food or water.
As for the others, they have to enter peacefully. This may be difficult for most of them, as they're usually fat from eating too many chips and have to climb over fences etcetera.
You do not have to let a bailiff into your house. In fact, you can tell him to 'piss off, you no good fuck'. If you are thick enough to let them in, you're on your own.
They are aware of their impotence, and may employ a number of tactics to gain entry into your house, much like the robbers from Home Alone. These tactics include crawling under floorboards, blowing holes through your wall, or asking if they can come in to sniff your underwear. The best strategy to insure this does not happen is hiring a top-of-the-range military sentry gun.
Can I be arrested or imprisoned for not letting a bailiff into my house?
No. If a bailiff is accompanied by the police, they are only there to prevent a breach of the peace. You cannot be arrested for refusing to allow a bailiff into your home.
You cannot be imprisoned for not paying your debts. However, non-payment of council tax, child maintenance or magistrates court fines can lead to imprisonment if you 'wilfully refuse' to pay. This means that the magistrates must be satisfied that you have the money but choose not to pay. You should be required to attend a magistrates court means enquiry hearing before this is decided. This gives you the chance to explain why you have not paid.
No. In fact, you can tell them to fuck off back to whatever wretched hive of scum and villany they came from. If they say they come from Jabba the Hutt's palace, make sure you shoot first.
If a bailiff does gain peaceful entry to my house what will they do?
Once gaining entry to your home, a bailiff will usually try to find and seize any goods of value belonging to the person who owes the debt or who is named on the warrant.
Once in the house the bailiff has the right to go into all rooms and can break open any locked door or cupboard inside your house. If the bailiff gains peaceful entry s/he has the right to call again and enter even without your permission, i.e. s/he can break in and remove your goods.
Any attempt to remove a bailiff from your property once they have gained peaceful entry is assault and you could be taken to court for it.
Once in the house, a bailiff will attempt to seize your goods in order to sell them off at public auction to raise money to pay the debt that you owe. The bailiff will make clear an intention to seize various items, either verbally, or by attaching a mark to them, or by touching them. This is sometimes called levying distress or distraining upon goods.
Once the bailiff has seized goods, they have a number of options. They can either remove items they have seized immediately from the property to be stored and eventually sold at public auction. Alternatively, they can leave someone on the premises to guard the items that have been seized or, in the case of bailiffs collecting rent, secure items that have been seized in your home. These last two options are very rarely used.
The most likely outcome is that the bailiff will ask you to sign a 'walking possession agreement'.
Once gaining entry into your house, a bailiff will sieze anything in sight, similar to the final stage of once-popular gameshow 'The Crystal Maze'. They will usually accompany this act of skullbuggery with squeals of 'mine, all mine!' and feverishly masturbate in the corner with glee.
Once in the house, the bailiff has the right to go into any room and rub itself on any surface in the house. If it has gained entry peacefully, it can come back unannounced with friends and a six pack of beer to 'watch the game'. Beware.
Unfortunately, once they have gained entry into your house, you cannot tell them to 'hike it', as this constitutes an assault. Some bailiffs will even go so far as to break their own limbs to accentuate the fact you assaulted them.
The bailiff will make clear his or her intention to sieze goods, normally by leaving a trail of slimy residue on the items he or she touches. They will then sell these items to a lower form of parasite, homo frequentis auctioneris or ask you if you would like to sell your soul to the devil in exchange for your goods.
Can I hide goods?
It is not unlawful for you to remove goods from your house or hide them before a bailiff visits unless the bailiff is distraining for rent. Remember that a bailiff, having gained peaceful entry, can return at any time and if s/he believes that goods have been removed or hidden prior to their visit, this is likely to happen. For what to do if a bailiff visit is imminent - see below.
By all means, feel free. Then give them a treasure map and tell them to enjoy themselves, thus buying you time to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with your country of residence.
What should I do if a bailiff is about to visit my home?
(This is a long ass answer so I'll just give mine)
Lock the doors, bar the windows, stock up on ammunition and prepare to fight to the death.
But seriously, for information on how to deal with bailiffs, check out the following sites.
Till next time,
James
Monday, 14 July 2008
Riders on the Storm: The Japanese Kamikaze
Shikishima no Yamato-gokoro wo hito towaba, asahi ni niou yamazakura bana
"If someone asks about the Yamato spirit [Spirit of Old/True Japan] of Shikishima [a poetic name for Japan] — it is the flowers of yamazakura [mountain cherry blossom ] that are fragrant in the Asahi [rising sun]."Motoori Norinaga
The Japanese Kamikaze pilots were some of the most feared adversaries in the Pacific throughout the Second World War; warriors who were unafraid to take their own lives to serve a greater strategy.
The concept behind the Kamikaze pilots dates centuries back to Feudal Japan and the Bushido, or way of the Samurai, where warriors would rather take their own lives than suffer defeat or surrender to the enemy.
The idea of honour has been an important concept of Japanese lifestyle and warfare up until very recently, with the sudden modernization of Japanese culture. Nevertheless, the code of honour is still carried forward into Yakuza tradition even to this day and is often romanticized in Japanese crime cinema.
One could say that the Kamikaze tactics employed during World War II effectively killed off the traditional Japanese honour codes as the military and the civilians recognized the economic costs, but more importantly the human cost, as hundreds of Japanese families received the news that their sons and husbands had died, yet for what cost?
The concept behind the Kamikaze pilots dates centuries back to Feudal Japan and the Bushido, or way of the Samurai, where warriors would rather take their own lives than suffer defeat or surrender to the enemy.
The idea of honour has been an important concept of Japanese lifestyle and warfare up until very recently, with the sudden modernization of Japanese culture. Nevertheless, the code of honour is still carried forward into Yakuza tradition even to this day and is often romanticized in Japanese crime cinema.
One could say that the Kamikaze tactics employed during World War II effectively killed off the traditional Japanese honour codes as the military and the civilians recognized the economic costs, but more importantly the human cost, as hundreds of Japanese families received the news that their sons and husbands had died, yet for what cost?
The site Kamikaze Images contains many photos of the effects of Kamikaze attacks on the US fleet during WWII, notably during the battle of Okinawa. More interesting, however, is the archive of letters sent by pilots to their families in the days before their fatal attacks on US and UK targets. Please note that the images and the excerpts in this post are taken from the
aforementioned site.
Yukio Araki was only seventeen years old when he crashed his plane into an American ship on May 27th, 1945. Before his fateful voyage, he wrote the following letter to his parents.
aforementioned site.Yukio Araki was only seventeen years old when he crashed his plane into an American ship on May 27th, 1945. Before his fateful voyage, he wrote the following letter to his parents.
He then wrote the following letter to his brother.Dear Father and Mother,
I trust you and my brothers are doing well recently.
It has been decided that at last I will go to take part in the Battle of Okinawa as a member of the special attack forces. I am deeply moved. I only look forward to sinking a ship with a single blow.
When I look back, I apologize for not being devoted to you in any way for some ten years to this day.
Through teaching by various senior officers after I entered the Army, I now devote myself to my country as a special attack force member. Please find pleasure in your desire for my loyalty to the emperor and devotion to parents.
I have no regrets. I just go forward on my path.
I ask that you teach my three younger brothers so they can serve our country as noble airmen. I sincerely hope you take good care of yourselves and make strenuous efforts on the home front.
Please give my regards to all my relatives and to everyone in the neighborhood association.Sayonara,
Yukio Araki
72nd Shinbu Squadron
Dear Older Brother,
I want to give my thanks to you for taking care of me for a long time. I go to die with no regrets and will earnestly make a hit.
I apologize that up to now I have not been able to repay you in any way for your kindness to me. Please be glad that this dispatch to the front will be my repayment to you.
Today as the war situation is becoming more and more intense, it is necessary for me to crash my 17-year-old body into the enemy. This year you also will enter the military, and I sincerely expect that you will exert yourself with hard work and devoted military service.
I have something to ask of you and our parents. I especially would like that you give a good education to our three younger brothers and that in the future they follow after me as fine Japanese men.
Let's meet under Kudan's flowers.
Yukio
Reading these letters gives us great insight into the way the mind of a Kamikaze pilot worked. For centuries, the Japanese people had been instilled with great pride in the sense of honour that came with their culture. Yet there was also the sense of a superior tactic taking place; the pilots in their small fighter planes were able to take down a whole warship with just one strike (as was seen with the USS Bunker Hill), this was in some way seen as proof of the divine superiority of Japan's military.
The American viewpoint of these attacks understandably demonises these attacks. Many veteran survivors of Kamikaze attacks often state that these attacks had a certain personal connotation to them; these planes weren't just the "enemy" anymore, they were something more: an enemy who would stop at nothing to ensure the death of their adversary. Understandably, at this point one would ask "why do they want ME dead?".
Nevertheless, a small minority of veterans are able to push the horrifying images aside and recognize the fact that these pilots were indeed exceptionally brave, and were able to respect them for that.
The Kamikaze undoubtedly sped up Japan's defeat in '45, as they were losing planes and pilots through these attacks. Nevertheless, subconsciously the Japanese mourned the death of a way of life: the code of honour that had seeped into mainstream society over the centuries. As well as destroying battleships, these pilots marked the end of an era in Japanese culture.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Just to clarify...
Apologies if remarks made in the post "I can haz stimulating ecumenical debate?" offended people. I did not mean to imply a stereotype, I know that not all jews circumcise their kids, that not all christians bomb abortion clinics and not all muslims blow up buildings.
They were used in a humorous fashion. I'm not anti semetic or anti muslim.
So there.
They were used in a humorous fashion. I'm not anti semetic or anti muslim.
So there.
Holier-Than-Thou: When "Selling Out" is more important than ethics
sell out1. To put all of one's goods or possessions up for sale.2. Slang To betray one's cause or colleagues: He sold out to the other side.
From the online dictionary
Anybody who is vaguely familiar with punk slang will know of the term "sell-out". Heck, even if you're not familiar with the punk scene, you oughta know of the term, as it's spilled over onto the mainstream language scene.
Anyways, it's a term that's been banded around a lot within the past decade, especially with the 'more hardcore than thou' punks. But is it actually possible to "sell out" without breaching your punk ethics?
Now, I don't really consider myself to be a very devoted punk. While I agree with the majority of the viewpoints and ethics (and I listen to the music, too), I don't really do much in the way of activism, except blogging. And for me, I don't really consider blogging to be very effective compared to marches and other forms of activism. Then again, I don't really hang about the activist sort of people.
Anyhow, just how does someone sell out? Well, it could be that they give up their ethics or ideologies for money *cough* GREEN DAY *cough* or that they simply abandoned their ideologies for a varying number of trivial reasons.
But is it possible to sell out without breaching your ethics?
Bring your ethics with you. Say if you were employed by Levis who have a terrible sweatshop reputation; get a job in human resources and try to improve worker conditions. It's that simple.
Till next time,
James
Saturday, 12 July 2008
I can haz stimulating ecumenical debate?
I'm sitting here listening to Kaki King's new album. It's fucking excellent, you should all listen to it as soon as you can. And that's that.
Anyhow, I was over at the almighty El Sid's blog You Are Not Special yesterday when I stumbled upon this rather nifty little questionnaire.
Ten Questions Every Intelligent Atheist Must Answer
Anyhow, I was over at the almighty El Sid's blog You Are Not Special yesterday when I stumbled upon this rather nifty little questionnaire.
Ten Questions Every Intelligent Atheist Must Answer
Now, while I consider myself to be agnostic (sorta, tis a long story), I suppose the term "atheist" is used as a sweeping generalisation for anyone who doesn't:
1. Are you a moral relativist, or do you believe in absolute morality? In other words, do you believe that cultures, or even individuals, can define their own rules on what is moral and what is not, or do you believe that every action has one unique, absolute, and true moral assessment?
Morality is subjective to each individual. In other words, everybody has a different set of morals and ethics that they live by. Nevertheless, there are a few basic morals that most people have in common such as 'killing is wrong' and 'frequenting post-op tranny hookers may land you in hot soup' (boy did I learn that the hard way) so these morals must have come from a common source. Since we don't believe in the existence of a God, let's go with a scientific theory borrowed from Darwin: maybe most of us feel killing is wrong because we're purposefully taking out a member of our own species, therefore slowly contributing to the extinction of our race? You see? My knowledge on the Origin of Species is major pimping. I'll save the chapter on pigeons for another time though.
Then again, Dostoyevsky and Nietschze gave an interesting little twist on morality, where they claimed that some people are morally superior to others (see Crime and Punishment or any of Nietzsche's philosophical works) meaning they don't feel guilty about say, killing people.
But no, there's no absolute morality. It's all subjective.
2. Is your trust in science based on faith or based on science?
It's based mostly on faith in science. I find their explanations much more plausible than most theist theories out there. Plus, scientists usually admit when they're wrong. Except for Dawkins.
Besides, Science has Stephen fuckin' Hawking. That's enough to convince me.
3. Where does language, art, music, and religion come from?
I think it just comes from pure luck. Maybe those cave paintings just came from a couple of throwbacks throwing their own shit on a cave wall then thinking 'holy fuck, that looks like an ox! Groovy!'
Same applies to music. Except for the poo flinging. As for religion, I believe it comes out of the insecurity we all feel about handling death and what happens when we snuff it.
4. Suppose, hypothetically, that you met with someone who knew nothing about you except your first name. And this person was able to accurately name deceased family members, discuss in detail how they died, and describe intimate personal details about your relationship with these people (including people you aren’t consciously thinking about). How would you explain this?
Let's ask John Edwards, shall we?
"Kenny! Channel Kenny!"
"Sorry, kids, it doesn't work that way."
5. Is absence of proof the proof of absence?
Yar, you'd have a hard time proving otherwise. Just ask the christians.
6. What does the atheist position offer people? How has it improved your life? Why will it improve others’ lives?
This question stumped Richard Dawkins, so maybe you have a better answer.
It hasn't really improved my life. Not as much as NEW CILLIT BANG GRIME AND.... Oh, sorry.
But I dunno, I feel better off believing that there's nothing at all up there and being pleasantly surprised rather than believing there IS a god and being horribly disappointed.
7. When you attempt to use logic to conclude facts about religion, are you starting at the conclusion (God is not real), or are you starting at true premises? Be honest. If you are starting at true premises, then what are they? And how are they true? Think about #5 when you answer.
It's more that I'm trying to disprove the existence of God. Instead of trying to prove he's not real, you start off assuming God is real, then working with proof and indications that lead you to said conclusion. Keep yer options open, then people can't accuse you of having a closed mind and soiled underwear.
For instance if I was to disprove Noah's Ark, I would start off by trying to find genuine proof in the Bible or elsewhere that Noah was a real person, that he had spoken to God, etcetera. Then go about studying the logistics of everything; how could he make such a fuck-off big boat, then capture two of every animal without the aid of his Super Best Friend Steve Irwin. Then ask, why two? What if the animals were homosexual? and so on and so forth.
Heh, and they say I trivialize things.
8. If all Christians believed that the Bible was entirely allegorical, what would you argue in support of your position?
I think I'll use El Sid's answer for this one:
9. Why is it important to you that everyone is an atheist?
Erm... It isn't. As long as they don't try to ram their beliefs down my throat, it's all good.
10. Do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
I sure do. Maybe not as much as Dan Akroyd, but I think it's a possibility.
Yeah, so there you have it. I think I might tag a few people with this one.
They're some kickass blogs. You should check em out.
Peace,
James
- Bomb abortion clinics in the name of Jesus
- Bomb Americans in the name of Allah
- Circumcise their kids in the name of Jehova
- Not believe in anything because they're Buddhist and better than that
1. Are you a moral relativist, or do you believe in absolute morality? In other words, do you believe that cultures, or even individuals, can define their own rules on what is moral and what is not, or do you believe that every action has one unique, absolute, and true moral assessment?
Morality is subjective to each individual. In other words, everybody has a different set of morals and ethics that they live by. Nevertheless, there are a few basic morals that most people have in common such as 'killing is wrong' and 'frequenting post-op tranny hookers may land you in hot soup' (boy did I learn that the hard way) so these morals must have come from a common source. Since we don't believe in the existence of a God, let's go with a scientific theory borrowed from Darwin: maybe most of us feel killing is wrong because we're purposefully taking out a member of our own species, therefore slowly contributing to the extinction of our race? You see? My knowledge on the Origin of Species is major pimping. I'll save the chapter on pigeons for another time though.
Then again, Dostoyevsky and Nietschze gave an interesting little twist on morality, where they claimed that some people are morally superior to others (see Crime and Punishment or any of Nietzsche's philosophical works) meaning they don't feel guilty about say, killing people.
But no, there's no absolute morality. It's all subjective.
2. Is your trust in science based on faith or based on science?
It's based mostly on faith in science. I find their explanations much more plausible than most theist theories out there. Plus, scientists usually admit when they're wrong. Except for Dawkins.
Besides, Science has Stephen fuckin' Hawking. That's enough to convince me.
3. Where does language, art, music, and religion come from?
I think it just comes from pure luck. Maybe those cave paintings just came from a couple of throwbacks throwing their own shit on a cave wall then thinking 'holy fuck, that looks like an ox! Groovy!'
Same applies to music. Except for the poo flinging. As for religion, I believe it comes out of the insecurity we all feel about handling death and what happens when we snuff it.
4. Suppose, hypothetically, that you met with someone who knew nothing about you except your first name. And this person was able to accurately name deceased family members, discuss in detail how they died, and describe intimate personal details about your relationship with these people (including people you aren’t consciously thinking about). How would you explain this?
Let's ask John Edwards, shall we?
"Kenny! Channel Kenny!"
"Sorry, kids, it doesn't work that way."
5. Is absence of proof the proof of absence?
Yar, you'd have a hard time proving otherwise. Just ask the christians.
6. What does the atheist position offer people? How has it improved your life? Why will it improve others’ lives?
This question stumped Richard Dawkins, so maybe you have a better answer.
It hasn't really improved my life. Not as much as NEW CILLIT BANG GRIME AND.... Oh, sorry.
But I dunno, I feel better off believing that there's nothing at all up there and being pleasantly surprised rather than believing there IS a god and being horribly disappointed.
7. When you attempt to use logic to conclude facts about religion, are you starting at the conclusion (God is not real), or are you starting at true premises? Be honest. If you are starting at true premises, then what are they? And how are they true? Think about #5 when you answer.
It's more that I'm trying to disprove the existence of God. Instead of trying to prove he's not real, you start off assuming God is real, then working with proof and indications that lead you to said conclusion. Keep yer options open, then people can't accuse you of having a closed mind and soiled underwear.
For instance if I was to disprove Noah's Ark, I would start off by trying to find genuine proof in the Bible or elsewhere that Noah was a real person, that he had spoken to God, etcetera. Then go about studying the logistics of everything; how could he make such a fuck-off big boat, then capture two of every animal without the aid of his Super Best Friend Steve Irwin. Then ask, why two? What if the animals were homosexual? and so on and so forth.
Heh, and they say I trivialize things.
8. If all Christians believed that the Bible was entirely allegorical, what would you argue in support of your position?
I think I'll use El Sid's answer for this one:
If all Christians believe the Bible was allegorical, that Jesus wasn't real, that none of these things really happened... well, then the Bible would be proved to be what atheists have been calling it all along... a work of fiction. It imparts moral lessons, sure, but so do a lot of fictional works. And Christianity still wouldn't make sense, because now not only have they named themselves after a fictional character, but they're worshiping and praying to the author of a book. You don't see me setting up an entire religion around The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, though I could if I wanted to, easily.Yeah, it worked for L.Ron Hubbard.
9. Why is it important to you that everyone is an atheist?
Erm... It isn't. As long as they don't try to ram their beliefs down my throat, it's all good.
10. Do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
I sure do. Maybe not as much as Dan Akroyd, but I think it's a possibility.
Yeah, so there you have it. I think I might tag a few people with this one.
They're some kickass blogs. You should check em out.
Peace,
James
Why the government should re-legalize pot.
I'm not a stoner except for the mindset. Sure, I listen to bands like Kyuss and Bongzilla, but I don't smoke pot. Never seen the point, myself. I'd rather take something that had an effect other than making you dopey, deprived of energy and hungry for seven hours. Nevertheless, I do believe people should be allowed to smoke it and cultivate it without being labeled as "criminals".
I was listening to Jello Biafra yesterday, and on his album I Blow Minds for a Living, he dictates the short history of pot and the legal system.
It's a well-known fact that hemp was a widely-used fabric, used in rope and clothing for centuries. Henry VIII of England made it obligatory for farmers to grow cannabis in order to make ropes and cords. The reason for this is that hemp is an exceptionally durable material, and is very hard to tear or rip. It's also exceptionally cost-effective, as large amounts can be grown in short time, especially today where we have UV lights, meaning we can grow it indoors.
Something I did not know until recently is that hemp was also widely used to make paper, and is a more natural way to make paper. To make paper with timber (I.E. wood) you need to use a lot of pulping chemicals in order to turn it into paper. But I'll get back to that later.
One thing you should know though, is that it was used to write the American constitution and declaration of independence. George Washington and Ben Franklin smoked it, too. Oh, and for all you christians out there? Up to the 19th Century, the King James bible was printed on... yeah, you guessed it... HEMP. Believe it or not, George Bush Sr. once ejected out of a fighter plane in WWII. His parachute was made out of hemp, as the US government had temporarily legalized cannabis in order to compensate for the cloth shortage. Neat, huh?
Among other uses of cannabis, here are a few important ones:
Well, in America it was legal until the turn of the century. People used it for the above purposes, but they also openly smoked it and cultivated it. I mentioned earlier that it was considered far superior over timber as in order to create paper with timber, many chemicals needed to be used. Well, unfortunately the chemical barons got a little antsy about this, as they had just developed a new wood-pulping chemical and didn't want to see themselves go out of business. They pressured the government to make cannabis illegal, as did the tobacco companies.
In his book The Emperor Wears No Clothes, Jack Herer reveals that it was a company named DuPont who played a pivotal role in banning cannabis as they had just created several new chemicals that were challenged by hemp. In his book, Herer states that:
USDA Bulletin No. 404, reported that one acre of hemp, in annual rotation over a 20-year period, would produce as much pulp for paper as 4.1 acres of trees being cut down over the same 20-year period. This process would use only 1/4 to 1/7 as much polluting sulfur-based acid chemicals to break down the glue-like lignin that binds the fibers of the pulp, or even none at all using soda ash. The problem of dioxin contamination of rivers is avoided in the hemp paper making process, which does not need to use chlorine bleach (as the wood pulp paper making process requires) but instead safely substitutes hydrogen peroxide in the bleaching process. ... If the new (1916) hemp pulp paper process were legal today, it would soon replace about 70% of all wood pulp paper, including computer printout paper, corrugated boxes and paper bags.
Hemp was therefore quite an easy target, as many companies were able to rally against it and call for it's legalization.
Anyway, I've had my say. I'd like to hear your views on the matter, and any research you may come up with!
Stay sane,
James
I was listening to Jello Biafra yesterday, and on his album I Blow Minds for a Living, he dictates the short history of pot and the legal system.
It's a well-known fact that hemp was a widely-used fabric, used in rope and clothing for centuries. Henry VIII of England made it obligatory for farmers to grow cannabis in order to make ropes and cords. The reason for this is that hemp is an exceptionally durable material, and is very hard to tear or rip. It's also exceptionally cost-effective, as large amounts can be grown in short time, especially today where we have UV lights, meaning we can grow it indoors.
Something I did not know until recently is that hemp was also widely used to make paper, and is a more natural way to make paper. To make paper with timber (I.E. wood) you need to use a lot of pulping chemicals in order to turn it into paper. But I'll get back to that later.
One thing you should know though, is that it was used to write the American constitution and declaration of independence. George Washington and Ben Franklin smoked it, too. Oh, and for all you christians out there? Up to the 19th Century, the King James bible was printed on... yeah, you guessed it... HEMP. Believe it or not, George Bush Sr. once ejected out of a fighter plane in WWII. His parachute was made out of hemp, as the US government had temporarily legalized cannabis in order to compensate for the cloth shortage. Neat, huh?
Among other uses of cannabis, here are a few important ones:
- It can be used to relieve pain, and medical marijuana is legal in some 38 states in the US
- Cannabis seeds can be used in cookery, and contain many beneficial proteins
- It can be used as biofuels, making it more efficient than using vegetable oil, as it can be grown quicker than crops.
Well, in America it was legal until the turn of the century. People used it for the above purposes, but they also openly smoked it and cultivated it. I mentioned earlier that it was considered far superior over timber as in order to create paper with timber, many chemicals needed to be used. Well, unfortunately the chemical barons got a little antsy about this, as they had just developed a new wood-pulping chemical and didn't want to see themselves go out of business. They pressured the government to make cannabis illegal, as did the tobacco companies.
In his book The Emperor Wears No Clothes, Jack Herer reveals that it was a company named DuPont who played a pivotal role in banning cannabis as they had just created several new chemicals that were challenged by hemp. In his book, Herer states that:
USDA Bulletin No. 404, reported that one acre of hemp, in annual rotation over a 20-year period, would produce as much pulp for paper as 4.1 acres of trees being cut down over the same 20-year period. This process would use only 1/4 to 1/7 as much polluting sulfur-based acid chemicals to break down the glue-like lignin that binds the fibers of the pulp, or even none at all using soda ash. The problem of dioxin contamination of rivers is avoided in the hemp paper making process, which does not need to use chlorine bleach (as the wood pulp paper making process requires) but instead safely substitutes hydrogen peroxide in the bleaching process. ... If the new (1916) hemp pulp paper process were legal today, it would soon replace about 70% of all wood pulp paper, including computer printout paper, corrugated boxes and paper bags.
Hemp was therefore quite an easy target, as many companies were able to rally against it and call for it's legalization.
Anyway, I've had my say. I'd like to hear your views on the matter, and any research you may come up with!
Stay sane,
James
Thursday, 10 July 2008
What have you missed?
Okay, so I lied. I'm sitting here and I've got nothing better to do, so I'll fill you in on what I missed.
So, I've just spent the past few weeks moving house. It was quite an abrupt move, my mum and dad only announced it to me maybe two months ago. But here's the kicker, ladies and gents: I'll be living on my own. My dad already moved back to England and now he's got a cracking job which he loves, and my mum decided to follow him. This arrangement's a tad weird, but it's for the best and it's cheaper, too.
The house itself is bloody small, but it's big enough just for me. There's a kitchen, living room etcetera, so I'll live. Here are a few pics of the place before I got into it;
Now it's full of sodding boxes. Great. Oh, and an amp, a desk, a huge fuck-off telly and a couple of guitars.
Argh.
I also did well on my exams, got good marks:
French orals: 16\20
French written: 8\20
Maths: 14\20
Sciences: 12\20
Group Work: 17\20
So all in all I'm happy.
And before I leave you, I give you... ZE BERET.
So I must leave you. But I shall be back soon.
Hasta la victoria
James "Che Guevara Wannabe" Cleverley
So, I've just spent the past few weeks moving house. It was quite an abrupt move, my mum and dad only announced it to me maybe two months ago. But here's the kicker, ladies and gents: I'll be living on my own. My dad already moved back to England and now he's got a cracking job which he loves, and my mum decided to follow him. This arrangement's a tad weird, but it's for the best and it's cheaper, too.
The house itself is bloody small, but it's big enough just for me. There's a kitchen, living room etcetera, so I'll live. Here are a few pics of the place before I got into it;
Now it's full of sodding boxes. Great. Oh, and an amp, a desk, a huge fuck-off telly and a couple of guitars.
Argh.
I also did well on my exams, got good marks:
French orals: 16\20
French written: 8\20
Maths: 14\20
Sciences: 12\20
Group Work: 17\20
So all in all I'm happy.
And before I leave you, I give you... ZE BERET.
So I must leave you. But I shall be back soon.Hasta la victoria
James "Che Guevara Wannabe" Cleverley
I can has updates?
I'm currently writing this from my grandma's laptop. I'm moved in to my new place, it's not bad but small. Tomorrow I fly to England to visit my dad and my family. Should be ace.
Anyways, I'm wankered. Off to eat, then off to bed methinks. Keep you all updated, stay tuned for a post in the next day or so.
P.S. I've got a beret =P Oh, and expect post comments too!
-James
Anyways, I'm wankered. Off to eat, then off to bed methinks. Keep you all updated, stay tuned for a post in the next day or so.
P.S. I've got a beret =P Oh, and expect post comments too!
-James
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Sorry to keep y'all hanging...
Shit, still no internet. I got a letter through from a rather pissed off ISP threatening court-action unless I paid the sum of 80 odd euros... Anyways, I'm in the middle of moving so I don't expect to have a stable internet connection 'till at least late August to early September. Good news is I'm visiting my dad in England next week so I'll have the 'net there.
Thanks to the folks that have left me comments 'n' visited my blog. Hope you enjoyed the posts.
Adios 'till later!
James
Thanks to the folks that have left me comments 'n' visited my blog. Hope you enjoyed the posts.
Adios 'till later!
James
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Murderwreker
Dear son, you ask my opinion of draft-card burners and I will answer this way:
All past wars have been dirty, unfair, immoral, bloody and second guessed. However history has shown them to be necessary. If you doubt that our free enterprise system in the United States is worth protecting, if you doubt the principles on which this country was founded; that we remain free to choose our religion, our individualism, our methods of government... If you doubt that each free individual in this great country should reap the rewards commissioned only with his own efforts then it is doubtful you belong here. And I would remind you that your mother will love you no matter what you do, because she is a woman. And I love you too, son. But I also love our country and the principles for which we stand. If you decide to burn your draft card and burn your draft certificate at the same time... Then I have no son.
I'm not exactly sure where that quote was taken from, but it is the opening speech to the piece Murderwreker by dark ambient artist Lustmord. I think that it embodies perfectly the general consensus of the American public during Vietnam. The love for country coupled with the blind patriotism that makes certain people so dangerous... We're living in a different era, where people can afford to be more critical of the government without being locked up and labeled a suspected Communist. We should be thankful for the liberties we are given, regardless of how hard the Government tries to fuck it up.
Think about that.
Till next time,
James
Think about that.
Till next time,
James
Saturday, 28 June 2008
In Six Words
Shiv over at Shiv's Brain tagged me with the following même. Normally I don't do mêmes, but this time I thought the idea was pretty smart. It goes like this:
Write your memoir in six words.
So, without further ado;
Write your memoir in six words.
So, without further ado;
"Trying hard to find my place"
Not too profound, but it'll do. Since I hit adolescence, I've been trying to find out exactly who I am. While I still haven't figured it out, it makes for a good mindfuck.
Anyhoo, I'll only tag a couple of blogs with this, if they don't wanna do it, 'tis fine by me. It's a free country after all ;)
1.El Sid's 'You are not special'
2.Plunger Girl
Till next time,
James
Anyhoo, I'll only tag a couple of blogs with this, if they don't wanna do it, 'tis fine by me. It's a free country after all ;)
1.El Sid's 'You are not special'
2.Plunger Girl
Till next time,
James
Friday, 27 June 2008
Blank Generation
So here's to our collagen lips and saline tits
To our growth hormones and antibiotics
To the Hollywood world we made out of Barbie-doll hearts
After we melted them down so we could make a new start
Here's to a generation scared and always wondering why
Instead of playing doctor
We play 'shoot each other and die',
Instead of ring around the rosie we play hide from mommy
Because mommy's been drinking again and we don't wanna get beat
Even with all our tattoos, and all of our cheap thrills
There's still a hole inside of us that will never get filled
So we give back a little bit of what the world's given us
Giving back a bit of never giving a fuck.
To our growth hormones and antibiotics
To the Hollywood world we made out of Barbie-doll hearts
After we melted them down so we could make a new start
Here's to a generation scared and always wondering why
Instead of playing doctor
We play 'shoot each other and die',
Instead of ring around the rosie we play hide from mommy
Because mommy's been drinking again and we don't wanna get beat
Even with all our tattoos, and all of our cheap thrills
There's still a hole inside of us that will never get filled
So we give back a little bit of what the world's given us
Giving back a bit of never giving a fuck.
Machine Head,
Blank Generation
Blank Generation
We're sitting in class at the end of the year, and we're at the end of our History syllabus: The Second World War.
"I feel that watching the footage from Concentration Camps is a sort of voyeurism," said my history teacher when asked why she didn't want to show us any of the footage. I myself have seen hundreds of images and several video clips, not to mention read several accounts of the horrors that went on inside those camps in the 30s and 40s. Therefore, I had an idea of the images we would be watching. She started the tape.
Even I was not prepared for the horror that was developing on the television screen. Prisoners of war so thin that they were merely walking skeletons; devoid of all individuality, conformed to the image the Nazis wanted to give them: something other than human. Bodies of emaciated prisoners flung into ditches like rag-dolls, the look of pure despair and horror on their faces. Tears welled in my eyes (and indeed they still do at the thought of it, merely half an hour after viewing the video in question), but I did not weep. I merely sat there, showing a blank expression on my face, watching the images. The video ended.
They had clamored to watch the video; as soon as they started nagging the teacher, I knew they had no idea of what they were letting themselves into. I expected a few people to be teary, but a general stunned silence to envelop the class. It did not. Five minutes later, they were giggling, laughing and chatting amongst each other.
This is the day my hope for human empathy dies. We are no longer Generation X, we are the Blank Generation. A generation of youth so desensitized by violence that it does not affect us, does not provoke a strong emotion. Violence is glamorized on the Idiot-Box and in Holy-Wood, imposing the idea upon th
e young child that violence is the norm as long as you're killing the bad guys. The lines are very obviously drawn on the TV as to who the "good guys" are and who "the bad guys are". We're creating a generation of young soldiers.
In the United Kingdom, the army recruitment adverts are becoming all the more blatant in the fact that they market themselves toward teenagers. I know that one army recruitment advert shows a soldier piloting a spy plane with an X-Box controller. "Come and join the army, it'll be just like a video-game, just without a reset button!".
Television isn't the only medium we desensitize children to violence, either. In one of his spoken-word pieces, former Dead Kennedys frontman Jello Biafra shows the audience his collection of Desert Storm bubblegum cards (sold without any bubblegum), which features well-known weapons and generals complete with 'batting average'.
So why haven't I gotten to video games? I thought I'd leave them till last in order to transmit this message:
VIDEO GAMES DO NOT KILL PEOPLE.
Sorry, what was that? Maybe you'd like to hear it again.
VIDEO GAMES DO NOT KILL PEOPLE.
"So what does kill people, James?" I hear you ask. Well, I must admit, I kind of left out the other half of the message. And this is the important part.
VIDEO GAMES DO NOT KILL PEOPLE. PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE.
Regardless of what various parents and government officials say, a video game does not make someone go out and kill another person. They desensitize us to violence, but only to a certain extent. I am the proud owner of around seventy PS2 video games including Grand Theft Auto, Resident Evil and Max Payne, yet I have never had the urge to walk into my school and start shooting people.
I always find it amazing how the blame for such incidents is never placed on the parents, and family life is never scrutinized. Is the father beating him? Are his parents getting a divorce? Who the hell cares?! As long as we've got video games and Marilyn Manson to blame, we don't need to look for other explanations. And this, my friends is possibly the worst type of desensitizing out there: the desensitizing of global scrutiny and investigation. People are no longer willing to do a little detective work if they can simply find a scapegoat at the snap of a finger. We are being taught by Fox News pundits such as Hannity and Colmes to center our attention on violent video-games, in order to brainwash us into the pseudo-conservative ideal of "You are free to do and think what we tell you". They are creating generation after Blank Generation by discouraging independent inquiry, urging us to leave it to (fanfare)
THE PROFESSIONALS.
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah.So think about that the next time you see Mr. White-Collared Conservative on the television. Also, try to teach your children to feel a little empathy, try to avoid another Blank Generation popping out like champagne corks.
As an afterword, I would like to go back to my original reason for writing this. While profoundly shocked by what I witnessed amongst my classmates this morning, I still stand beside my strong conviction that we
should
show students as much of this footage as possible; in order for them to better understand the horrors of human will. The question is; will this desensitize future generations even more? Something to think about when you have a spare moment.
Signing off for now,
James.
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Nineteen-Eighty-Four and the Idiot Box
Over a dozen hidden cameras document the every move of several ex-members of the general public, each of whom passes each day locked in a house being forced to perform menial and pointless tasks for the amusement of several million viewers, all sitting around the television each night with square eyes and closed minds.
No, this is not the basis for a science-fiction movie, or even an Orwellian novel. The new series of Big Brother has hit the British airwaves.
First, let this be made clear: I HATE Big Brother with a passion. To me it represents everything that is wrong with Television, especially reality TV. A dozen morons competing against each other for the amusement of the sheeple on the outside world. What could be worse? The people who watch BB (one of which, I'm afraid to say is a member of my family) seem to be able to conjure up a plethora of excuses as to how watching this show doesn't make them idiots. The most laughable one I have heard recently was something along the lines of "Oh no, you don't understand! Big Brother teaches us to value our privacy and be more aware of the surveillance we're subjected to daily by the government!" Or how about "It's a tribute to George Orwell!"? Bull. Fucking. Shit. Orwell would be spinning in his grave if he knew the ideas from his dystopian novel were being adapted (perhaps even stolen) in order to create... well... that. I somehow doubt that the Channel Four executives had actually read 1984 before ideologically raping it's main concept.
But does Big Brother have more serious implications hidden behind the gaudy interior decorating and the shit-for-brains contestants? Think about it for a second, Channel Four are effectively marketing this as a program that combines voyeurism and entertainment. The constestants are filmed all day, every day by hidden cameras. Notice anything familiar?
A recent survey found that there is on average one CCTV camera for every five British citizens in the UK at the moment, constantly filming our every move. The question is, is Big Brother trying to teach us that this blatant invasion of privacy on behalf of the government is an acceptable part of every-day life by repackaging it and glamourizing it? Could we be spawning a new generation who have a pre-programmed indifference to the fact that they're being watched by the government every day of their lives, because they've seen the same thing on TV, and they say it's OK? And perhaps the most important question to ask would be: is Channel Four aware of the implications their sub-standard programming is providing?
I think I'll just switch over to Channel Five. At least they flaunt the rampant soft-porn without trying to find any excuses. Coming soon: a documentary about a man who has sex with cars! Yay!
Signing out,
James
No, this is not the basis for a science-fiction movie, or even an Orwellian novel. The new series of Big Brother has hit the British airwaves.
First, let this be made clear: I HATE Big Brother with a passion. To me it represents everything that is wrong with Television, especially reality TV. A dozen morons competing against each other for the amusement of the sheeple on the outside world. What could be worse? The people who watch BB (one of which, I'm afraid to say is a member of my family) seem to be able to conjure up a plethora of excuses as to how watching this show doesn't make them idiots. The most laughable one I have heard recently was something along the lines of "Oh no, you don't understand! Big Brother teaches us to value our privacy and be more aware of the surveillance we're subjected to daily by the government!" Or how about "It's a tribute to George Orwell!"? Bull. Fucking. Shit. Orwell would be spinning in his grave if he knew the ideas from his dystopian novel were being adapted (perhaps even stolen) in order to create... well... that. I somehow doubt that the Channel Four executives had actually read 1984 before ideologically raping it's main concept.
But does Big Brother have more serious implications hidden behind the gaudy interior decorating and the shit-for-brains contestants? Think about it for a second, Channel Four are effectively marketing this as a program that combines voyeurism and entertainment. The constestants are filmed all day, every day by hidden cameras. Notice anything familiar?
A recent survey found that there is on average one CCTV camera for every five British citizens in the UK at the moment, constantly filming our every move. The question is, is Big Brother trying to teach us that this blatant invasion of privacy on behalf of the government is an acceptable part of every-day life by repackaging it and glamourizing it? Could we be spawning a new generation who have a pre-programmed indifference to the fact that they're being watched by the government every day of their lives, because they've seen the same thing on TV, and they say it's OK? And perhaps the most important question to ask would be: is Channel Four aware of the implications their sub-standard programming is providing?
I think I'll just switch over to Channel Five. At least they flaunt the rampant soft-porn without trying to find any excuses. Coming soon: a documentary about a man who has sex with cars! Yay!
Signing out,
James
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
I Pledge Allegiance...
Yargh. I've been out of teh internetz for a whole month now and I've finally detoxed... Sorta. Anyways, I'm currently in the process of moving, so I won't have a stable connection for at least another couple of months. I'll do my best to keep this place updated as regularily as possible, though.
And thanks to everybody who left me blog comments, you guys rule.
And thanks to everybody who left me blog comments, you guys rule.
---
In America, the flag has replaced the need for religion. Indeed, we are finding ourselves in a new dictatorship that is not all unsimilar to the Mussolini and Hitler-esque cult of personality. But instead of a man embodying the ideological representations of a country, he has been replaced by a rectangular piece of cloth featuring fifty stars and twelve red and white stripes.
Whereas in Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy school-children were required to pledge allegiance to Il Duce or Der Führer, a more chilling battle-cry emerges from their fragile eggshell minds:
Whereas in Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy school-children were required to pledge allegiance to Il Duce or Der Führer, a more chilling battle-cry emerges from their fragile eggshell minds:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America".
The American Flag has replaced the President as the new ideological catalyst that guides the most powerful nation on earth. No more will people ask themselves "WWJD?" (What Would Jesus Do?) but instead will base their daily decisions and actions according to what the American Flag would do.
Flash forward to twenty-odd years and the Orwellian nightmare has become complete. The World Trade Organization, the PMRC and the corrupt law-enforcement institutions employ the television networks to keep the sheeple in line. It is eight 'o' clock in the evening; Prime Time. The American Nuclear Family sit around their idiot-box and the courageous bugle of the United States Military pours out of the speakers.
"At nine PM, Jay Leno speaks to Joey Lawrence about his upcoming film, but first a PSA from the Provider"
Fade in to the American flag. A Big-Brother-esque figure appears from nowhere. The family stand up and place their right hands over their hearts. Simultaneously, and throughout the country; a single, brainwashed cry emerges from the mouths of each American:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America."
Flash forward to twenty-odd years and the Orwellian nightmare has become complete. The World Trade Organization, the PMRC and the corrupt law-enforcement institutions employ the television networks to keep the sheeple in line. It is eight 'o' clock in the evening; Prime Time. The American Nuclear Family sit around their idiot-box and the courageous bugle of the United States Military pours out of the speakers.
"At nine PM, Jay Leno speaks to Joey Lawrence about his upcoming film, but first a PSA from the Provider"
Fade in to the American flag. A Big-Brother-esque figure appears from nowhere. The family stand up and place their right hands over their hearts. Simultaneously, and throughout the country; a single, brainwashed cry emerges from the mouths of each American:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America."
The battle for hearts and minds has been won by extracting the hearts and minds of the People and replacing them with pre-programmed microchips set to one directive: obey, buy and fear. The American flag must be obeyed. Do not desecrate the American flag, lest ye be punished. Stand up like a proud American and shout out your submission to a rectangular piece of fabric swaying in the artificial wind. Men have died for this flag. To hell with ideals. The concept of fighting for democracy and freedom was shunted. Men have fought and died for this rectangular piece of fabric; all the while reciting the same fundamentalist chant in their heads:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America."
What next? "I pledge allegiance to Nike, and their kick-ass basketball shoes that helped Kobe win the Playoffs"? Or how about "I pledge allegiance to Ronald McDonald"? Nevermind Ronald Reagan; he's long gone. How long until the American flag becomes a trademark? How long until every American is required to own an American flag, disregarding the fact it was made in Korea similar to in Nazi Germany, where every German citizen was required to own a copy of Mein Kampf? How long until the Orwellian nightmare described above becomes true?
We already had the scandal over burning the American Flag during the eighties and nineties. Throughout the country, people were asking each other 'is it okay to burn the flag'? Nevermind serious ethical and moral issues, nevermind foreign relations and poverty; we need to know whether or not burning a rectangular piece of cloth is legal or not. This is the ideological dictatorship Americans are living in, where a deliberate campaign of ignorance is issued through the Idiot-boxes in order to keep the People planted in front of the TV, drooling.
Welcome to 1984, the next generation. You are free... to do what they tell you.
I pledge allegiance. Not to the American Flag, but what it stands for: freedom; not to do what they tell you, but freedom of choice.
Stay sane,
James
We already had the scandal over burning the American Flag during the eighties and nineties. Throughout the country, people were asking each other 'is it okay to burn the flag'? Nevermind serious ethical and moral issues, nevermind foreign relations and poverty; we need to know whether or not burning a rectangular piece of cloth is legal or not. This is the ideological dictatorship Americans are living in, where a deliberate campaign of ignorance is issued through the Idiot-boxes in order to keep the People planted in front of the TV, drooling.
Welcome to 1984, the next generation. You are free... to do what they tell you.
I pledge allegiance. Not to the American Flag, but what it stands for: freedom; not to do what they tell you, but freedom of choice.
Stay sane,
James
Monday, 9 June 2008
The Fallacy of Hypocrisy
Fuck it. No, seriously. While I won't name names, I've gotta rant here about a girl in my class.
I fucking hate hypocrisy. I think that it's the vice of mankind. The problem is, we're all guilty of being hypocrites at one time or another, regardless of who we are. Some people take it to extremes though.
The worst part is that the girl in particular chose to represent our class at the student body this year, therefore she assumes that this gives her the authority to criticize anyone for any reason at all. She's also repeated the year, so she assumes this gives her the right to tell us how to go about studying etcetera.
Anyways, we're in a class of about twenty people. As you could expect from a bunch of kids in their late teens, we talk in class, chat to each other and generally make a small cacophany which occasionally annoys the teachers. This girl takes it upon herself to tell people to shut up and pay attention to the teacher. Then what does she do? She starts talking to her friend next to her.
In history class the other day, we were studying the 2nd World War, and the teacher asked a few questions. My friend Florian doesn't have a great history grade, but he decided to try and answer the question, and to his credit he got it right! We all gave an encouraging thumbs-up to him, but behind me what did I chance to hear? "Putain, il fait chier!" To save the time of putting all that through Google, it basically means "damn, that's not fair!", because the girl in question (let's call her C) tried shouting out the answer instead of putting her hand up. Flo answered several other questions to the same reply from C. I mean, Jesus, shouldn't she be encouraging him? it's great that he's making progress in class.
Friday in maths, our teacher asked us if we had any questions on what we had studied over the year. I was bored so I jokingly asked 'yeah, what's two plus two?'. It got a few laughs, but C shouted out "Don't be such a fucking moron!". Stupid bitch.
It angers me, because all she does is criticize people. I think being able to take a 3rd person view and look outside yourself and see your faults is an important virtue, because it means you recognize you're not perfect. Remember, it's always easier to criticize others.
Of course, having written this rant, I do admit I'm a hypocrite. Here I am going on about criticizing people, when that's pretty much all I do on this blog. Lol. I guess it's hard to live up to the standards you set for other people. Having said that, at least I am able to recognize that I have faults. Think about that.
So my message for today? Worry about what other people think of you. I generally try to bend over backwards to please people, because I want them to like me. Maybe this makes me weak, but I'd rather people liked me instead of thinking I was an asshole.
I fucking hate hypocrisy. I think that it's the vice of mankind. The problem is, we're all guilty of being hypocrites at one time or another, regardless of who we are. Some people take it to extremes though.
The worst part is that the girl in particular chose to represent our class at the student body this year, therefore she assumes that this gives her the authority to criticize anyone for any reason at all. She's also repeated the year, so she assumes this gives her the right to tell us how to go about studying etcetera.
Anyways, we're in a class of about twenty people. As you could expect from a bunch of kids in their late teens, we talk in class, chat to each other and generally make a small cacophany which occasionally annoys the teachers. This girl takes it upon herself to tell people to shut up and pay attention to the teacher. Then what does she do? She starts talking to her friend next to her.
In history class the other day, we were studying the 2nd World War, and the teacher asked a few questions. My friend Florian doesn't have a great history grade, but he decided to try and answer the question, and to his credit he got it right! We all gave an encouraging thumbs-up to him, but behind me what did I chance to hear? "Putain, il fait chier!" To save the time of putting all that through Google, it basically means "damn, that's not fair!", because the girl in question (let's call her C) tried shouting out the answer instead of putting her hand up. Flo answered several other questions to the same reply from C. I mean, Jesus, shouldn't she be encouraging him? it's great that he's making progress in class.
Friday in maths, our teacher asked us if we had any questions on what we had studied over the year. I was bored so I jokingly asked 'yeah, what's two plus two?'. It got a few laughs, but C shouted out "Don't be such a fucking moron!". Stupid bitch.
It angers me, because all she does is criticize people. I think being able to take a 3rd person view and look outside yourself and see your faults is an important virtue, because it means you recognize you're not perfect. Remember, it's always easier to criticize others.
Of course, having written this rant, I do admit I'm a hypocrite. Here I am going on about criticizing people, when that's pretty much all I do on this blog. Lol. I guess it's hard to live up to the standards you set for other people. Having said that, at least I am able to recognize that I have faults. Think about that.
So my message for today? Worry about what other people think of you. I generally try to bend over backwards to please people, because I want them to like me. Maybe this makes me weak, but I'd rather people liked me instead of thinking I was an asshole.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
Piss! Piss in my ass!
It's no secret that I swear like a docker. But one of the best things I love about the English language is it's affinity for inventing some of the most outrageous insults out there. So here is my top-ten list of my favorite invented curses/insults out there.
10.Cockknocking Sodsplit
9.Fucking Minger (popularized by Jean-Marie)
8.Three Menzies Campbells short of a party cabinet
7.Crapslinging Nun-tickler
6.Spelunking crickerhead
5.Codfondler (popularized by my grandfather)
4.Bloody Goose-cacker
3.Fuck!
2.Balls!
1.Socialist worker
Believe it. Yar.
9.Fucking Minger (popularized by Jean-Marie)
8.Three Menzies Campbells short of a party cabinet
7.Crapslinging Nun-tickler
6.Spelunking crickerhead
5.Codfondler (popularized by my grandfather)
4.Bloody Goose-cacker
3.Fuck!
2.Balls!
1.Socialist worker
Believe it. Yar.
Terry Bozzio isn't gay.
You gotta admit, Punky Meadows does look like a woman.
In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny terry 'ted' bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named punky meadows...
(oh punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! you bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, punky, give me your lips to die on!
Oh punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, punky, give me your lips
To die on...i promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven tyler would pay to see!
Pay to see!
Punky's lips, punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(what is it? you come home!)
You're an angel!
You're too much
(oh god!)
The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!
He's been havin' a rash
(no shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(it's true)
Skin doom
(skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...i'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than jeff beck
But I ain't queer
I ain't gay
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(that's all that is, I swear!)
Punky's lips, punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
Yank it punky!
Yank it faster!
Yank it harder!
Yank it all nite long!
Come on punky!
Get funky!
I ain't queer
No no no no!
I ain't gay
No no no no!
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I ain't queer!
(hey!)
I ain't gay!
(hey! hey!)
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
I-i, lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-i, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my venus-trip!
In today's rapidly changing worldRock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny terry 'ted' bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named punky meadows...
(oh punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!
I can't stand the way he pouts
'cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! you bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'til I squirm with ecstasy
Punky, punky, give me your lips to die on!
Oh punky, isn't it romantic?
Punky, punky, give me your lips
To die on...i promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!
I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven tyler would pay to see!
Pay to see!
Punky's lips, punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(what is it? you come home!)
You're an angel!
You're too much
(oh god!)
The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!
He's been havin' a rash
(no shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(it's true)
Skin doom
(skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...i'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than jeff beck
But I ain't queer
I ain't gay
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(that's all that is, I swear!)
Punky's lips, punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
Yank it punky!
Yank it faster!
Yank it harder!
Yank it all nite long!
Come on punky!
Get funky!
I ain't queer
No no no no!
I ain't gay
No no no no!
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I ain't queer!
(hey!)
I ain't gay!
(hey! hey!)
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
I-i, lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-i, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my venus-trip!
And life plods on...
T'has been a while since any updates, but I have a good excuse. No, honestly.
See, I recently had the misfortune of falling upon the shitlist of both my internet service provider and the electricity company, finding my leccy and internet cut off within days of each other. Oh, and how we had fun...
See, when the power went I pretty much flipped and went on a Rambo-esque crusade to try and get it back on. My grandmother very generously lent us the money (some 200 euros) to pay it back. But was it that easy? Was it bollocks.
I went into the EDF building, only to find that EDF didn't live there anymore and I had to pay the bill by phone. But they told me I had to send verification of payment by fax, meaning I had to plod around for an hour trying to find a place that does fucking faxes.... ehn.
But power is back on and Internets will soon be back on.
This morning I have a pounding headache. We celebrated Liam's 18th birthday last night at the Korrigan. The beer was... shit, to be honest, but we had a good time. I also learned of a little revelation, which (if it turns out to be true) could be the best thing that has happened to me. It involves a certain girl. Basically, last night I was told that she has a thing for me, whereas I thought we were just friends. Problem is she already has a boyfriend, and as much as I try to dislike him; he's just too damn nice. But I need to make some inquiries to find out whether or not I'm being bullshot or not. We shall see.
My last week of school is on the way. I finish my exams on the 24th. Wish meh luck.
See, I recently had the misfortune of falling upon the shitlist of both my internet service provider and the electricity company, finding my leccy and internet cut off within days of each other. Oh, and how we had fun...
See, when the power went I pretty much flipped and went on a Rambo-esque crusade to try and get it back on. My grandmother very generously lent us the money (some 200 euros) to pay it back. But was it that easy? Was it bollocks.
I went into the EDF building, only to find that EDF didn't live there anymore and I had to pay the bill by phone. But they told me I had to send verification of payment by fax, meaning I had to plod around for an hour trying to find a place that does fucking faxes.... ehn.
But power is back on and Internets will soon be back on.
This morning I have a pounding headache. We celebrated Liam's 18th birthday last night at the Korrigan. The beer was... shit, to be honest, but we had a good time. I also learned of a little revelation, which (if it turns out to be true) could be the best thing that has happened to me. It involves a certain girl. Basically, last night I was told that she has a thing for me, whereas I thought we were just friends. Problem is she already has a boyfriend, and as much as I try to dislike him; he's just too damn nice. But I need to make some inquiries to find out whether or not I'm being bullshot or not. We shall see.
My last week of school is on the way. I finish my exams on the 24th. Wish meh luck.
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