Monday 4 February 2008

What if... Wikipedia Ruled the World?

Wikipedia has become one of the most used websites in the world. People worldwide use it to look up certain information covering a wide array of subjects from anal rape in prisons to Martha Stewart.
Because of the sheer amount of visitors the 'pedia, the owners decided to run for President in the latest campaign elections. Here's a look at what life would be like if they won.

1. You would need indisputable proof to back up your statements
Wikipedia is well known for encouraging factual veracity. When writing or editing an article, users are encouraged to provide as many sources as possible. You would think that these sources could be anything, from a sole issue of Teen Beat magazine to some guy you met on the bus. But apparently not.

If Wikipedia became rulers of the world's foremost superpower, they could enforce this rule in real life. No longer would people be able to say that "The war in Iraq isn't about oil", citing Fox News as a reference. As we all know, Fox News isn't actual news, so it doesn't constitute as a valid source.

We can expect prison sentences galore for abuse of this requirement.


2. Telling lies would constitute a capital offense, punishable by death

I would vote for Wikipedia on the basis of this law. Imagine meeting someone on the Internet, being told they were an attractive 18 year old girl, only to find out upon meeting them that they are the people responsible for Goatse.cx . Well, no more.

3. Wikipedia keep tabs on American citizens (later changed to Ameripedians)

You can try to run, you can try to hide but Wikipedia will find you and they will hunt you do... oh, wait. They'll just keep tabs on you, making sure you update your life story twenty-four seven. That's right, you'll have to keep absolutely everyone updated on how soul-shatteringly boring your life is.

4. Censorship is in full swingWikipedia prides itself on the neutrality of it's articles. When applied to real life, morons would no longer be able to spout their mouth out at how good The Backstreet Boys are, or how Mel Gibson isn't actually all that bad.
In consequence, you wouldn't be able to state how your life is "the worst life in the world". Go cry, emo kid. Or throw yourself off a bridge, whichever is easiest.
5. Wikipedia know your future, present and past

Since they will become the new dictators of the world, you can expect them to dictate how your life is going to turn out. Sleep tight.