New site up and running

Hi,

The blog has been moved to http://forwardtodeath.wordpress.com Please proceed there instead, it's much better than blogger.

Cheers,

James

Changing my blog adress...

Heya folks in Internet land.

I'll soon be moving mah blog over to a spanking new wordpress site. Stay tuned for more details and linkies.

Hate mail only comes in August...

...or in this case, July.

Anyways, hate mail always makes me chuckle, especially when it's spewed forth from the uptight mind of a christian reverend. Yay. I recently received this gem from the Rev. Don Spitz-and-Swallows:

Most, if not all problems on the planet earth are from people like you, people who reject Jesus Christ. Our prisons are filled with people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. Most, if not all; rapes, murders, robberies and thefts are committed by people, like you, who reject Jesus Christ. AIDS is mainly spread by people who reject Jesus Christ and have sex outside of marriage. Children AIDS get it from people who reject Jesus Christ.
I hope you will turn from your sins and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and escape the fires of eternal hell. Turning from your sins and giving your life to Jesus Christ is the only way you can escape the fires of hell and receive everlasting life. If you persist in your sins and continue to turn your back on Jesus Christ, you will be lost forever.
SAY THIS PRAYER: Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and am headed to eternal hell because of my sins. I believe you died on the cross to take away my sins and to take me to heaven. Jesus, I ask you now to come into my heart and take away my sins and give me eternal life.

Wee! How's that for christian understanding and humbleness. Well, first of all, Don, and I never got to tell you this; FUCK YOU. Secondly, if you were actually a christian, you'd forgive me. And thirdly, God's the only one who has the right to judge, so why don't you drink a nice tall glass of Shut-The-Fuck-Up. Seriously, you can buy it at Wal-Mart.

Now that we've got that little misunderstanding sorted out (and now that I finally stopped giggling), we can put it all behind us.

Go with God!

James

The Light Side: Call Centre Hell

Ah, call centers... The enigma of the Human trappings. The different colours indicate different characters. Shouldn't be too hard to work out.

*ring...ring...ring*
Welcome to the Packard-Bell automated helpline!
*muttering* Shitshitshitshitshit...
In order to direct you to a help desk near you, please compose the five letters of your postcode.
Erm... Lessee... Three...Four... -
I'm sorry, I did not register a response. In order to direct you to a...
SHIT! You bastard thing!
...compose the five letters of your postcode.
Three...Four...Five...Zero...Zero...
Thank you. One moment please.
*Muzak version of "Singing in the Rain" pipes through the receiver.*
*humming along with the tune*
If you are currently experiencing problems with your computer or printer, please press 1.
If you would like to learn about our exciting new offers, press 2.
If you are inquiring about employment opportunities...
Erm... 1. There we go.
One moment please, while we connect you to a local operator who will assist you.
*music pipes back in*
*muttering* Finally!
*In thick foreign accent* Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, Hello -
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Please speak up, sir.
Can you hear me?!
Yes, sir. No need to shout. What appears to be then nature of your problem?
It's my computer. It-
Hello? Sir?
Yes, hello! My computer has stopped working.
Oh. Well, have you tried turning it on and off again?
Well, you see that's the problem, it won't turn on.
Is it plugged into the wall?
Erm... Yes.
I'll have to transfer you to our technical department, please stand by.
You mean this isn't the technical department?
*Muzak pipes back in*
Hello? Hello?! Shit!
Hello, this is Dave speaking. How may I help you?
Well, you see...
Hello? Sir?
Hello?
Yes, what is it?
My computer isn't working.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Well, I can't. It won't turn on.
Please ensure that the computer is plugged...
I have, for crying out loud! The bastard thing doesn't work!
Well, sir, there's no need for that abusive tone!
Listen, is there anyone you can send down?
It depends. Are you experiencing a D-10 error or a 1D-10T error?
Erm... I don't...
*sigh* alright, do you have the manual?
Erm, yeah, give me a second... Here it is.
Alright, now turn to page 10 and look up D-10 and 1D-10T.
Erm... Alright... D-1o: computer has not been turned on... and 1D-10T: computer has not been plugged in. No, it's neither of those, I already told you that.
Hello? Sir?
Yes, I'm here. It's neither of those errors.
Then I'm afraid I can't help you. Let me transfer you...
No, alright? I don't want to be sodding transferred, just get someone down here who can fix the fucking thing!
Sir, I don't have to submit myself to this kind of abuse, if you swear again I'll have to cut you off.
For fuck sake!-
Goodbye, sir. *click*
BASTARD! SODSPLIT! CU- oh, wait. It did need plugging in after all. Heh.

Have a fun weekend,
James