Sunday, 8 June 2008

Piss! Piss in my ass!

It's no secret that I swear like a docker. But one of the best things I love about the English language is it's affinity for inventing some of the most outrageous insults out there. So here is my top-ten list of my favorite invented curses/insults out there.

10.Cockknocking Sodsplit
9.Fucking Minger (popularized by Jean-Marie)
8.Three Menzies Campbells short of a party cabinet
7.Crapslinging Nun-tickler
6.Spelunking crickerhead
5.Codfondler (popularized by my grandfather)
4.Bloody Goose-cacker
3.Fuck!
2.Balls!
1.Socialist worker


Believe it. Yar.

Terry Bozzio isn't gay.

You gotta admit, Punky Meadows does look like a woman.

In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.
Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.
One such case is seated before you:
Little skinny terry 'ted' bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
That's right!
Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named punky meadows...
(oh punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called angel.
In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent pouting rictus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer mad with desire!

I can't stand the way he pouts
'cause he might not be pouting for me!
Punky meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! you bet sailor!
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?
His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'til I squirm with ecstasy

Punky, punky, give me your lips to die on!

Oh punky, isn't it romantic?

Punky, punky, give me your lips
To die on...i promise not to come in your mouth
Punky, punky, your album's the shits!
It's all wrong!

I ain't really queer
But if he ever got near
Steven tyler would pay to see!
Pay to see!

Punky's lips, punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(what is it? you come home!)
You're an angel!
You're too much
(oh god!)

The boys of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room!

He's been havin' a rash
(no shit!)
That keeps the girls away
(it's true)
Skin doom
(skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...i'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than jeff beck
But I ain't queer
I ain't gay
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(that's all that is, I swear!)

Punky's lips, punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
Yank it punky!
Yank it faster!
Yank it harder!
Yank it all nite long!
Come on punky!
Get funky!

I ain't queer
No no no no!
I ain't gay
No no no no!
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I ain't queer!
(hey!)
I ain't gay!
(hey! hey!)
(he's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)

I-i, lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-i, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on punky!
Give me your lips!
Ride on my venus-trip!

And life plods on...

T'has been a while since any updates, but I have a good excuse. No, honestly.
See, I recently had the misfortune of falling upon the shitlist of both my internet service provider and the electricity company, finding my leccy and internet cut off within days of each other. Oh, and how we had fun...
See, when the power went I pretty much flipped and went on a Rambo-esque crusade to try and get it back on. My grandmother very generously lent us the money (some 200 euros) to pay it back. But was it that easy? Was it bollocks.
I went into the EDF building, only to find that EDF didn't live there anymore and I had to pay the bill by phone. But they told me I had to send verification of payment by fax, meaning I had to plod around for an hour trying to find a place that does fucking faxes.... ehn.
But power is back on and Internets will soon be back on.
This morning I have a pounding headache. We celebrated Liam's 18th birthday last night at the Korrigan. The beer was... shit, to be honest, but we had a good time. I also learned of a little revelation, which (if it turns out to be true) could be the best thing that has happened to me. It involves a certain girl. Basically, last night I was told that she has a thing for me, whereas I thought we were just friends. Problem is she already has a boyfriend, and as much as I try to dislike him; he's just too damn nice. But I need to make some inquiries to find out whether or not I'm being bullshot or not. We shall see.

My last week of school is on the way. I finish my exams on the 24th. Wish meh luck.