My Brush with the 419 Scammers, part one

Update: For some reason this didn't appear with the other scambait post. Oh, well.
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419 Scammers are those annoying little bastards who somehow get through your spam filters to send you an email saying they have large sums of money to give to you, if only you provide them with your bank details, give them the keys to your car and let them stay at your house.
Most 419ers are from Nigeria, but now there seems to be a trend for them impersonating fundamentalist christians. The typical format of these emails is as such:

Dear Brother/Sister in Christ

yadda yadda yadda, I/someone I know is terribly ill/died and I have decided to donate all of the money I have to another God-fearing christian. Therefore I'll need your full name and address so that I may send the money

God Bless!
Generic Caucasian Name.

They may sometimes include a photo in order to supposedly further the claim that this is genuine.
I've always found amusement reading stories of Scambaiters. These guys really pull out all the stops to con the conmen: they'll reply to these messages impersonating another God fearing Christian and basically try to waste as much of the scammer's time as possible. It's from reading these letters that you get a sense of just how desperate these people are, and will sometimes do literally anything to get money. This includes getting a painful tattoo that insults their sexuality, to getting them to really send you money. Scambaiting can be dangerous though, as many scambaiters have been killed meeting with these people. Therefore there are some rules that you should try and follow to ensure your safety:

1. N ever give out personal details. If you feel like scambaiting, invent yourself a new name, a new life-story and a new address. You don't want these people finding out where you live because they are criminals. Most false names are a moniker/mix-up of various names from popular culture. You'll get the idea when you read my correspondances below.
2. Never arrange to meet these people.

While it was always fun to read these scambaiting stories, I never assumed I myself would be the target of a scam, until I received a letter from one. My first instinct was to delete it straight away, but I thought why not have some fun here? Thus began my journey.

As I said, I recieved this email from someone claiming to be Mrs Susan Morgan:

SUBJECT: Donation from Mrs. Susan Morgan

From Mrs Susan Morgan
N [38 Rue Des Martyrs Cocody
Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire

ATTN:
DEAREST ONE OF GOD

I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Abram Morgan, who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2004. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2. 5 Million (Two Million Five Hundred U.S. Dollars) in the bank here in Abidjan in suspense account.

Presently, the fund is still with the bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives is around me always I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank here in Abidjan. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the Lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

Contact me on the above e-mail address for more information’s, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your
reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs susan morgan

This is of course, a perfect example of your typical scambaiting letter. While the ploy is mind-bendingly transparent, you need to remember that there are plenty of idiots who actually fall for things like this. I decided to play along and sent the following reply:

SUBJECT: RE: Donation from Sally Morgan

Dear Mrs. Morgan,

I am interested in your offer, and I know that the will of God is acting through you by donating this money to a worthy cause. However, I am wondering what the transaction will entail. I myself have just moved house and am waiting for a new bank account, as I had to leave the country quite hastily due to unforseen circumstances.

Please reply soon entailing the details of said transaction, so that I may pray and come to a conclusion.

God bless,
Jean Michel Jarre

Yes, that's right, I posed as a God-fearing Bible-basher. Scammers are usually reassured if you have something in common with them. They're obviously not going to reply if you say "Yes, I'm a satanist, now give me all of your money." I also decided to leave in a bit of intrigue which will further along my story and play out for humour's sake. Why have I had to leave the country? Don't worry, it'll all be explained. Also, note the name I picke out for myself; Jean-Michel Jarre. JMJ is of course a supposedly famous French electronica artist. The thing is, I wanted to pick out a name that wasn't too obviously false, and I doubt people in the Côte D'Ivoire have heard of him. Some scammers also provide a photo of themselves, or rather of George Clooney or Brad Pitt, and the scammers don't catch on. This is more likely to work with scammers from Nigeria though.
So I waited for the reply, which came when I woke up the next morning:

Dearest In Christ ,

Greetings to you in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus Christ, i am very happy for your quick response to my mail, well i am not afriad of the death because i knows where i am heading to, my only problem is to see the desire of my late husband come to accomplishment now that i am alive, so dearly one in Christ i want you to assure me that you will never let the trust i have in you down, that you will use the fund accondingly to the will of the Almighty God.

I know you are surprise in receiving this letter, but as a servant of the living God, you should know that our ways is not his ways, my Bible tells me that God works in many ways and all things works out for good to them that believed in Christ Jesus, all i need from you is to assure me that you will never betray the trust i am trying to entrust in your hand for the work of God, you may asked me how i got across your email, the bilbe said that who is me is greater than who of the world, the Holy Spirit that leads me to you will never let us down only if you can beleive with faith.

Please, I want you to understand that this benevolence is in fulfilment of the desire and decision of my late husband which I am persuaded to actualize,this fund is desiginated for humanitarian and Charity services with special emphasis, which must be disbursed with every appropriation, accountability and prudence to the glory of God.

Meanwhile,i could have donate this money here in my country,but the reason is that before the death of my late beloved husband he warned me not to let his relatives know about this money because they are unbleilvers ( muslim) and he don't want an atom of this money to be use in anything Islamic,and i don't intend to disobey him even in death.

I will want you to send to me your full names and address to enable me swear an affidavit on oath on your behalf that will officially and legally approve you as the new beneficiary to this fund, so that even if i am no more, your claim to the fund will not be in doubt. I will be sending you the certificate of deposit of this fund immediately after the affidavit is ready.

I will want you to kindly be fast on your arrangement on how the fund will be transfered to you before the fall of the crises in Ivory Coast, since the political affair has affected their economy. Infact, the saints have been fasting and praying for peace for the country since the attacked of the rebels.

Ensure you reply this letter and the needed information immediately for the proccess of this transaction on your behalf.

Most Important: I will like this to be so confidential and sincerelity, also bear in mind that can not call you on phone, all our comminucation will be via-email because of my late husband relatives.

Thanks and may God bless us all.
Sister Susan Morgan.

So she further explains her dilemma; her dead husband's family are interfering, oh noes! Please note the terrible spelling mistakes. Oh, she also provided a heart-wrenching photo of her and her late husband to further credibility:

I personally don't know where the scammers get these photos from, but you can rest assured they're not real.
I sent the following reply straight away. I really got carried away with this, as you can see:

Sister in Christ,

I prayed long and hard last night to receive divine enlightenment as to how I should act. You see, the past few years have not been easy for me to say the least.
The Lord blessed me with a family in early 2003 as I married my long-time partner Margaret Bundy. Over the next two years we were provided with two little children Bud and Kelly. Alas, I found out that my wife was a sinner, and had been having relations with another man.
I prayed long and hard to the Lord to find out what to do, and He came down and told me to forgive her. The next day her car was found crushed up against a wall, the police said that a cable or something had been cut. I was understandabily devastated and fell into a long spiral of depression, marked by alcoholism and terrible sin.
I regained my faith, only to find that the police had me under suspicion for my wife's death; something which I did not do. Therefore I was obligated to leave the country and move to France, where I adopted the name Jean-Michel Jarre to spare myself from any international trouble.
So you see, I am in the process of trying to find a house at the moment; The deal has gone through on a lovely little villa in the alps, near Chamonix, but I am waiting for the paperwork to be finalized. When it is all through, I will be able to send you my address and contact details.
I apologize if this is not immediately suitable for you, as I see that you are having problems with your husband's relatives. Nevertheless, if it is the will of the Lord, they shall not make any actions to try and prevent your generous donation.

Also, my Church, the Church of The Latter Day Saint Juan Kerr has policies about communicating with members of other churches. I would like to inquire as to which Church you are part of, in order to set their minds at ease.

Peace be with you!

Jean-Michel Jarre
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". . . it is hard for thee to rub against these pricks."
Leviticus XXI, v3

As you guessed, the bible quote is completely made-up. Again, I played on the popular culture game, with my "family" history, citing the Bundy family from Married...with Children as my family. Also, I explained why I had to leave the country, as my late wife's brakes apparently failed. Oh noes! It can also be evidenced in my Church's name of Juan Kerr (Wanker).
Opening up to the scammers can make them all the more convinced that you're an idiot ready to believe anything.
Anyways, the scammer in question made me sweat it out for a couple of days. I felt like actually emailing them to say that I'd had some Godly vision in the night that they were in great suffering, but decided against it. Such strategies should really only be used towards the end of a scambait, when you want to keep on trying to waste their time. Two days later, I recieved this email

Dear Jean-Michel Jarre,

Greetings to you,i'm sorry for the condition that your wife have put you into but i believe that God's time is the best, i will want you to be fast in any of your arrangements toward this divine task because i will like to be alive and see the desire of my late husband been accomplished through you.

May God bless you and your family.

Sister Susan

Yes, the silly son of a bitch bought it. I decided to wait a week or so before I replied to the email. This was for a few reasons, the first to maintain a sense of realism. You need them to believe that you're telling the truth. Another reason was to buy some time to come up with a decent plotline, and also to make them sweat.