Wednesday, 16 July 2008
And thus ends an era...
Ode to unrequited feelings.
when you wake up you'll be in such pain.
and I wait with the plate, piled high with my love
that you wont eat from
Love, you think you can contain me
but the future is already known
we give up our rest, and the best of us though
we'd be better off alone
There's no need to be so terrible
when you know I would do anything for you
This is so laughable, whatever happened to
knowing that this was forever.
File off the sharpness of feelings so
I'll be protected from all of your evil
when you come round my love, I'll be gone, finally done
never to come to your rescue.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Bailiffs are Human Mosquitos
Anyway, these past few years have been real bitches, what with my dad's financial problems. Still, we sorta managed to sort them out by doing the King Arthur thing and running the hell away. Nevertheless, debt is a real problem that strikes thousands if not millions if not billions of people worldwide. I'm not sure how it works in the rest of the world, but in the UK and France, if you're in debt these guys will come over and make sure you pay up, regardless of whether they effectively leave you homeless. But we can still make light of the situation here, can't we? God knows humour is the only thing that stops me walking into their offices with a nailbomb.
Anyways, here's a pretty nifty little site, the Insolvency Helpline, which gives some pretty handy answers for dealing with debt and bailiffs. Now, while I'm going to rip the hell out of this little article, please remember that debt is a serious subject. Hell, I should know that much. So do check this site out if you have any problems or any questions.
My replies are in red, by the way.
A bailiff is someone authorised to collect a debt on behalf of a creditor. A creditor is someone you owe money to. There are different types of bailiffs - e.g. county court bailiffs, certificated bailiffs and private bailiffs who can be used to collect different types of debts. These include county court judgments, unpaid council tax, magistrates court fines, unpaid maintenance to the Child Support Agency and outstanding rent.
Different bailiffs have differing powers to collect debts. However, there are certain rules that apply to all bailiffs. Unless stated otherwise, the information in this leaflet applies to any bailiff.
A bailiff is a human parasite: someone who voluntarily makes others lives a misery. Other terms for 'bailiff' include 'bastard', 'tool', 'pig' and so on and so forth. They may appear to come in different categories, such as county curt bailiffs, certificated bailiffs and private bailiffs but they are all part of the Homo Bastardus species of ape. They come to your door for a variety of reasons, but mainly because they are bored and have sod all else to do.
Can anyone be a bailiff?
Yes, providing they have legal authority to carry out their actions. Some creditors prefer to use certificated bailiffs to collect their debts. ''Certificated'' means that the firm of bailiffs has provided references to the county court and the bailiffs they employ are considered to be 'fit and proper' persons. Bailiffs collecting rent arrears and road traffic penalties must be certificated. It is worth remembering that both men and women can be bailiffs!
Yes, providing they can pass a test certifying that they have both the social standing and mental capacity of soap-scum. Please refer to the question below for information as to becoming a bailiff. Some creditors prefer to use certificated bailiffs to collect their debts. "Certificated" doesn't really mean anything, except that the court considers them to be 'fit and proper' persons for the job, i.e. total shites. It is worth remembering that both men and women can be bailiffs as both are capable of acts of complete callousness towards their fellow man.
What 'legal authority' must a bailiff have?
A bailiff must be legally authorised to collect the debt on behalf of the creditor. The authority is normally known as a 'warrant', or 'warrant of execution' if the bailiff is recovering money owed under a county court judgment.
Bailiffs used by the magistrates court to collect unpaid council tax, outstanding fines, compensation or unpaid maintenance will be acting on either a 'distress warrant' or a 'liability order' issued by the magistrates court.
If you are in arrears, creditors will sometimes send representatives to your home to try and negotiate repayments with you. These people might be called 'counsellors', 'collectors' or 'advisers'. They do not have powers to enter your home and seize your goods.
A bailiff must be legally authorised to take your money. To do this, they must take special exams to test their callousness, which include questions such as "would you drown kittens and small children?" and "do you think Hitler was an alright bloke?".If you are in arrears, creditors will sometimes send representatives to your home to try and negotiate payments with you. These people might be called "counsellors", "collectors" or "advisers". These are people who wanted to be bailiffs, but weren't big enough bastards.
How do I know it is a bailiff at my door?
Bailiffs should provide identification or authorisation if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting for rent must show their certificate from the county court if you ask them to. Bailiffs collecting unpaid council tax must show written authorisation from the local authority. See also 'Will I get advance notice of a bailiff visit?'
The smell should be enough to tell you whether or not it is a bailiff at your door. Also watch out for feelings of nausea or discomfort.
Can a bailiff call at night or on a weekend?
Only bailiffs collecting rent are obliged to call between sunrise and sunset, all other bailiffs can call at any time of day or night. However most bailiffs should call at a 'reasonable' time, either during normal office hours or between 8.00 a.m. or 8 p.m.
Most of them will, only to ask you what you're wearing or remind you that they're watching you from across the street with their high-power binoculars. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Can a bailiff force his/her way into my house?
Most bailiffs do not have the right to force their way into your home to seize your goods. The only exception is that bailiffs from the Collector of Taxes (Inland Revenue) can get a warrant to force entry, but this is very rare.
All other bailiffs have a right of peaceful entry only. This means that they cannot use force to enter your home, for example, by breaking a window or a door. However, they can enter your property through an open door or window (front and back) and can climb over fences and gates, but cannot break them down. See also ''If a bailiff does gain peaceful entry to my house, what will they do?''
You do not have to let a bailiff into your house. A bailiff cannot force their way past you if you answer the door. If all your doors and windows are securely closed they will not be able to gain peaceful entry to your house unless you let them in.
Bailiffs are well aware of their limited powers and may use a variety of different means to gain entry peaceably. They may attempt to walk in as soon as a door is opened. They may ask if they can use your telephone to check if an arrangement is satisfactory with their office. They may simply ask you if you would prefer to discuss matters inside. You do not have to go along with any of these methods.
Most bailiffs can't, but will do everything in their power to kick your door down while you're sleeping, drag you off and ruthlessly interrogate you for five days without giving you food or water.
As for the others, they have to enter peacefully. This may be difficult for most of them, as they're usually fat from eating too many chips and have to climb over fences etcetera.
You do not have to let a bailiff into your house. In fact, you can tell him to 'piss off, you no good fuck'. If you are thick enough to let them in, you're on your own.
They are aware of their impotence, and may employ a number of tactics to gain entry into your house, much like the robbers from Home Alone. These tactics include crawling under floorboards, blowing holes through your wall, or asking if they can come in to sniff your underwear. The best strategy to insure this does not happen is hiring a top-of-the-range military sentry gun.
Can I be arrested or imprisoned for not letting a bailiff into my house?
No. If a bailiff is accompanied by the police, they are only there to prevent a breach of the peace. You cannot be arrested for refusing to allow a bailiff into your home.
You cannot be imprisoned for not paying your debts. However, non-payment of council tax, child maintenance or magistrates court fines can lead to imprisonment if you 'wilfully refuse' to pay. This means that the magistrates must be satisfied that you have the money but choose not to pay. You should be required to attend a magistrates court means enquiry hearing before this is decided. This gives you the chance to explain why you have not paid.
No. In fact, you can tell them to fuck off back to whatever wretched hive of scum and villany they came from. If they say they come from Jabba the Hutt's palace, make sure you shoot first.
If a bailiff does gain peaceful entry to my house what will they do?
Once gaining entry to your home, a bailiff will usually try to find and seize any goods of value belonging to the person who owes the debt or who is named on the warrant.
Once in the house the bailiff has the right to go into all rooms and can break open any locked door or cupboard inside your house. If the bailiff gains peaceful entry s/he has the right to call again and enter even without your permission, i.e. s/he can break in and remove your goods.
Any attempt to remove a bailiff from your property once they have gained peaceful entry is assault and you could be taken to court for it.
Once in the house, a bailiff will attempt to seize your goods in order to sell them off at public auction to raise money to pay the debt that you owe. The bailiff will make clear an intention to seize various items, either verbally, or by attaching a mark to them, or by touching them. This is sometimes called levying distress or distraining upon goods.
Once the bailiff has seized goods, they have a number of options. They can either remove items they have seized immediately from the property to be stored and eventually sold at public auction. Alternatively, they can leave someone on the premises to guard the items that have been seized or, in the case of bailiffs collecting rent, secure items that have been seized in your home. These last two options are very rarely used.
The most likely outcome is that the bailiff will ask you to sign a 'walking possession agreement'.
Once gaining entry into your house, a bailiff will sieze anything in sight, similar to the final stage of once-popular gameshow 'The Crystal Maze'. They will usually accompany this act of skullbuggery with squeals of 'mine, all mine!' and feverishly masturbate in the corner with glee.
Once in the house, the bailiff has the right to go into any room and rub itself on any surface in the house. If it has gained entry peacefully, it can come back unannounced with friends and a six pack of beer to 'watch the game'. Beware.
Unfortunately, once they have gained entry into your house, you cannot tell them to 'hike it', as this constitutes an assault. Some bailiffs will even go so far as to break their own limbs to accentuate the fact you assaulted them.
The bailiff will make clear his or her intention to sieze goods, normally by leaving a trail of slimy residue on the items he or she touches. They will then sell these items to a lower form of parasite, homo frequentis auctioneris or ask you if you would like to sell your soul to the devil in exchange for your goods.
Can I hide goods?
It is not unlawful for you to remove goods from your house or hide them before a bailiff visits unless the bailiff is distraining for rent. Remember that a bailiff, having gained peaceful entry, can return at any time and if s/he believes that goods have been removed or hidden prior to their visit, this is likely to happen. For what to do if a bailiff visit is imminent - see below.
By all means, feel free. Then give them a treasure map and tell them to enjoy themselves, thus buying you time to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with your country of residence.
What should I do if a bailiff is about to visit my home?
(This is a long ass answer so I'll just give mine)
Lock the doors, bar the windows, stock up on ammunition and prepare to fight to the death.
But seriously, for information on how to deal with bailiffs, check out the following sites.
Till next time,
James
Monday, 14 July 2008
Riders on the Storm: The Japanese Kamikaze
Shikishima no Yamato-gokoro wo hito towaba, asahi ni niou yamazakura bana
"If someone asks about the Yamato spirit [Spirit of Old/True Japan] of Shikishima [a poetic name for Japan] — it is the flowers of yamazakura [mountain cherry blossom ] that are fragrant in the Asahi [rising sun]."Motoori Norinaga
The concept behind the Kamikaze pilots dates centuries back to Feudal Japan and the Bushido, or way of the Samurai, where warriors would rather take their own lives than suffer defeat or surrender to the enemy.
The idea of honour has been an important concept of Japanese lifestyle and warfare up until very recently, with the sudden modernization of Japanese culture. Nevertheless, the code of honour is still carried forward into Yakuza tradition even to this day and is often romanticized in Japanese crime cinema.
One could say that the Kamikaze tactics employed during World War II effectively killed off the traditional Japanese honour codes as the military and the civilians recognized the economic costs, but more importantly the human cost, as hundreds of Japanese families received the news that their sons and husbands had died, yet for what cost?
aforementioned site.Yukio Araki was only seventeen years old when he crashed his plane into an American ship on May 27th, 1945. Before his fateful voyage, he wrote the following letter to his parents.
He then wrote the following letter to his brother.Dear Father and Mother,
I trust you and my brothers are doing well recently.
It has been decided that at last I will go to take part in the Battle of Okinawa as a member of the special attack forces. I am deeply moved. I only look forward to sinking a ship with a single blow.
When I look back, I apologize for not being devoted to you in any way for some ten years to this day.
Through teaching by various senior officers after I entered the Army, I now devote myself to my country as a special attack force member. Please find pleasure in your desire for my loyalty to the emperor and devotion to parents.
I have no regrets. I just go forward on my path.
I ask that you teach my three younger brothers so they can serve our country as noble airmen. I sincerely hope you take good care of yourselves and make strenuous efforts on the home front.
Please give my regards to all my relatives and to everyone in the neighborhood association.Sayonara,
Yukio Araki
72nd Shinbu Squadron
Dear Older Brother,
I want to give my thanks to you for taking care of me for a long time. I go to die with no regrets and will earnestly make a hit.
I apologize that up to now I have not been able to repay you in any way for your kindness to me. Please be glad that this dispatch to the front will be my repayment to you.
Today as the war situation is becoming more and more intense, it is necessary for me to crash my 17-year-old body into the enemy. This year you also will enter the military, and I sincerely expect that you will exert yourself with hard work and devoted military service.
I have something to ask of you and our parents. I especially would like that you give a good education to our three younger brothers and that in the future they follow after me as fine Japanese men.
Let's meet under Kudan's flowers.
Yukio
Reading these letters gives us great insight into the way the mind of a Kamikaze pilot worked. For centuries, the Japanese people had been instilled with great pride in the sense of honour that came with their culture. Yet there was also the sense of a superior tactic taking place; the pilots in their small fighter planes were able to take down a whole warship with just one strike (as was seen with the USS Bunker Hill), this was in some way seen as proof of the divine superiority of Japan's military.
The American viewpoint of these attacks understandably demonises these attacks. Many veteran survivors of Kamikaze attacks often state that these attacks had a certain personal connotation to them; these planes weren't just the "enemy" anymore, they were something more: an enemy who would stop at nothing to ensure the death of their adversary. Understandably, at this point one would ask "why do they want ME dead?".
Nevertheless, a small minority of veterans are able to push the horrifying images aside and recognize the fact that these pilots were indeed exceptionally brave, and were able to respect them for that.
The Kamikaze undoubtedly sped up Japan's defeat in '45, as they were losing planes and pilots through these attacks. Nevertheless, subconsciously the Japanese mourned the death of a way of life: the code of honour that had seeped into mainstream society over the centuries. As well as destroying battleships, these pilots marked the end of an era in Japanese culture.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Just to clarify...
They were used in a humorous fashion. I'm not anti semetic or anti muslim.
So there.
Holier-Than-Thou: When "Selling Out" is more important than ethics
sell out1. To put all of one's goods or possessions up for sale.2. Slang To betray one's cause or colleagues: He sold out to the other side.
Anybody who is vaguely familiar with punk slang will know of the term "sell-out". Heck, even if you're not familiar with the punk scene, you oughta know of the term, as it's spilled over onto the mainstream language scene.
Anyways, it's a term that's been banded around a lot within the past decade, especially with the 'more hardcore than thou' punks. But is it actually possible to "sell out" without breaching your punk ethics?
Now, I don't really consider myself to be a very devoted punk. While I agree with the majority of the viewpoints and ethics (and I listen to the music, too), I don't really do much in the way of activism, except blogging. And for me, I don't really consider blogging to be very effective compared to marches and other forms of activism. Then again, I don't really hang about the activist sort of people.
Anyhow, just how does someone sell out? Well, it could be that they give up their ethics or ideologies for money *cough* GREEN DAY *cough* or that they simply abandoned their ideologies for a varying number of trivial reasons.
But is it possible to sell out without breaching your ethics?
Bring your ethics with you. Say if you were employed by Levis who have a terrible sweatshop reputation; get a job in human resources and try to improve worker conditions. It's that simple.
Till next time,
James
Saturday, 12 July 2008
I can haz stimulating ecumenical debate?
Anyhow, I was over at the almighty El Sid's blog You Are Not Special yesterday when I stumbled upon this rather nifty little questionnaire.
Ten Questions Every Intelligent Atheist Must Answer
- Bomb abortion clinics in the name of Jesus
- Bomb Americans in the name of Allah
- Circumcise their kids in the name of Jehova
- Not believe in anything because they're Buddhist and better than that
1. Are you a moral relativist, or do you believe in absolute morality? In other words, do you believe that cultures, or even individuals, can define their own rules on what is moral and what is not, or do you believe that every action has one unique, absolute, and true moral assessment?
Morality is subjective to each individual. In other words, everybody has a different set of morals and ethics that they live by. Nevertheless, there are a few basic morals that most people have in common such as 'killing is wrong' and 'frequenting post-op tranny hookers may land you in hot soup' (boy did I learn that the hard way) so these morals must have come from a common source. Since we don't believe in the existence of a God, let's go with a scientific theory borrowed from Darwin: maybe most of us feel killing is wrong because we're purposefully taking out a member of our own species, therefore slowly contributing to the extinction of our race? You see? My knowledge on the Origin of Species is major pimping. I'll save the chapter on pigeons for another time though.
Then again, Dostoyevsky and Nietschze gave an interesting little twist on morality, where they claimed that some people are morally superior to others (see Crime and Punishment or any of Nietzsche's philosophical works) meaning they don't feel guilty about say, killing people.
But no, there's no absolute morality. It's all subjective.
2. Is your trust in science based on faith or based on science?
It's based mostly on faith in science. I find their explanations much more plausible than most theist theories out there. Plus, scientists usually admit when they're wrong. Except for Dawkins.
Besides, Science has Stephen fuckin' Hawking. That's enough to convince me.
3. Where does language, art, music, and religion come from?
I think it just comes from pure luck. Maybe those cave paintings just came from a couple of throwbacks throwing their own shit on a cave wall then thinking 'holy fuck, that looks like an ox! Groovy!'
Same applies to music. Except for the poo flinging. As for religion, I believe it comes out of the insecurity we all feel about handling death and what happens when we snuff it.
4. Suppose, hypothetically, that you met with someone who knew nothing about you except your first name. And this person was able to accurately name deceased family members, discuss in detail how they died, and describe intimate personal details about your relationship with these people (including people you aren’t consciously thinking about). How would you explain this?
Let's ask John Edwards, shall we?
"Kenny! Channel Kenny!"
"Sorry, kids, it doesn't work that way."
5. Is absence of proof the proof of absence?
Yar, you'd have a hard time proving otherwise. Just ask the christians.
6. What does the atheist position offer people? How has it improved your life? Why will it improve others’ lives?
This question stumped Richard Dawkins, so maybe you have a better answer.
It hasn't really improved my life. Not as much as NEW CILLIT BANG GRIME AND.... Oh, sorry.
But I dunno, I feel better off believing that there's nothing at all up there and being pleasantly surprised rather than believing there IS a god and being horribly disappointed.
7. When you attempt to use logic to conclude facts about religion, are you starting at the conclusion (God is not real), or are you starting at true premises? Be honest. If you are starting at true premises, then what are they? And how are they true? Think about #5 when you answer.
It's more that I'm trying to disprove the existence of God. Instead of trying to prove he's not real, you start off assuming God is real, then working with proof and indications that lead you to said conclusion. Keep yer options open, then people can't accuse you of having a closed mind and soiled underwear.
For instance if I was to disprove Noah's Ark, I would start off by trying to find genuine proof in the Bible or elsewhere that Noah was a real person, that he had spoken to God, etcetera. Then go about studying the logistics of everything; how could he make such a fuck-off big boat, then capture two of every animal without the aid of his Super Best Friend Steve Irwin. Then ask, why two? What if the animals were homosexual? and so on and so forth.
Heh, and they say I trivialize things.
8. If all Christians believed that the Bible was entirely allegorical, what would you argue in support of your position?
I think I'll use El Sid's answer for this one:
If all Christians believe the Bible was allegorical, that Jesus wasn't real, that none of these things really happened... well, then the Bible would be proved to be what atheists have been calling it all along... a work of fiction. It imparts moral lessons, sure, but so do a lot of fictional works. And Christianity still wouldn't make sense, because now not only have they named themselves after a fictional character, but they're worshiping and praying to the author of a book. You don't see me setting up an entire religion around The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, though I could if I wanted to, easily.Yeah, it worked for L.Ron Hubbard.
9. Why is it important to you that everyone is an atheist?
Erm... It isn't. As long as they don't try to ram their beliefs down my throat, it's all good.
10. Do you believe in extra-terrestrials?
I sure do. Maybe not as much as Dan Akroyd, but I think it's a possibility.
Yeah, so there you have it. I think I might tag a few people with this one.
They're some kickass blogs. You should check em out.
Peace,
James